I’m told I move fast. I know I don’t get much accomplished.
That’s another one of those paradox things that ADHD is rife with.
The dichotomy disorder is what I like to call it. Stimulants help me slow down and focus. I can hyper-focus on things or I can be unable to focus on things and both those things are symptoms. I remember things from my childhood and almost into my infancy in vivid detail, but I cannot remember what I had for lunch, can’t remember to pick up the eggs, can’t remember when I’m supposed to meet someone.
But that speed thing?
I apparently look like I’m wound up and going fast. It’s called hyperactivity. I don’t see it myself, I get it, I guess, but I don’t see it. It just seems like normal speed to me.
It may be that I don’t feel like I’m going fast because I’m never caught up. Every time I stop to assess I’m faced with a growing list of things I still need to get to. How is it that someone who is going fast is always falling behind?
Yeah, yeah …
I get it. I know that half the things I do are not on my to do list. Okay, more than half.
But lots of them could have been. I spend lots of time doing things that are helpful.
Just because those things aren’t on my list originally doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t be done.
True, lots of those things were things that wouldn’t need to be done if I hadn’t procrastinated or if I hadn’t gotten distracted and started something else that lead to them.
So, okay, I go fast and do lots and little gets done in the end.
And I’ve found something that slows me down now. I’m in the emergency room waiting my turn to see a doctor about my breathing.
Although I’m still breathing, my lungs have started crackling again and I feel like there’s not enough oxygen in the world.
My hope is, that in times like this, having to slow down physically will force me to pay better attention to what needs doing, and what needs ignoring, because I sure can’t do it all at this time.
Still, I’m hopeful …
I’m scheduled to leave on a trip in a few days, and though it is partly a working trip, it’s also meant to be some fun and a bit of a break.
If something can be done for me in the short term and I can move toward this trip with a better grasp of my health, I will be happy about that.
But if not, I’m going to embrace my being forced to slow down as best I can, and use the situation to assist me in experiencing this trip to the best of my ability.
I wish to experience and enjoy it … slowly and determinedly.