When you have ADHD these words are the most confusing.
“I’m done.” is the thing we all want to say, and we all hate to hear, especially in school.
I remember working hard on some project that I thought was fun, and thinking I was just tearing it up. Then someone would say, “I’m done.” and several others would say”Me too.”
Suddenly I would be left wondering why they were done and I was only half way through, wasn’t I going like ninety? Hadn’t I been focused? Yes, I had decided to embellish my work a little, okay, a lot. But that was what made it interesting.
Later on …
Sometimes, my class would be given something to do that seemed too simple. Usually that meant that I could not stay focused on it.
Again I’d start hearing, “I’m done.” and I would be looking at nothing in front of me because I wouldn’t yet have started.
Not often but often enough that I recall it happening,the task would spark a bit of interest in me in that it seemed so simple I could do it in a snap and then go daydreaming.
And … I would. Okay, most times I’d start it and get distracted and then realize when people were finishing up that I had only started it in my mind. Big mistake, that.
My mind is to much equipment for simple jobs, the great and vast stores of resources and equipment get in the way when doing simple jobs.
Giving me a simple job is like giving a kid the 1600 color box of crayons and asking them to only draw zebras with no background.
And now that I’m an adult (and checking the calendar I see I’ve supposedly been one for several decades) it seems like all the tasks are too simple, but worse.
They are huge, detailed collections of mind numbingly simple things, often with roadblocks and hurdles of a simple nature that make me weep with pain.
Take my taxes …
Please! There’s nothing difficult about any one thing involved in filling out an income tax form. Pick up a pen, put a number into a box, read the next instruction.
But, there aren’t really instructions, just descriptions of what should go in the next box.
And the descriptions often aren’t what the value is referred to in the real world. And when you figure out what is required, you then have to put down the pen and go find that number, or find the things that you add together to find the number, or find the things that you add together to get the value that you take a percentage of to get the number, or find the things that have parts that have to be individually calculated to then add together to get the value that you take a percentage of to get the number …
Are you ill yet?
I got a little sick just writing about it.
Anyway, the deal is that adulthood was advertised falsely to me. It was what I always wanted as a child, I longed to be responsible and free to make my own decisions.
And now that I am, now that I’m sixty years old and have tried and tried to be a successful adult, I have just one thing left to say about adulting …