Today I sat down at my keyboard to write this post. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to talk about, but I needed to see how close it came to other recent posts.
I live in fear of repeating myself from one day to the next.
I’m okay with saying the same thing as I’ve said before so long as it wasn’t the post from the day before yesterday.
And I’m okay with saying the same thing over again because I know that sometimes the way it is said drives it home for some people who got it but didn’t really appreciate it the last five times I said it.
That’s why I’m always looking for new analogies and different examples and new ways of stating old things.
And so …
I started reading previous posts here on this blog. I was reading about stigma primarily, because I wanted to discuss stigma and the only real tool we have to combat it, but now that will have to wait for another day.
I started reading posts at around 9:25 AM, and the more I read, the more I wanted to read.
This ADHD stuff is damned interesting to me, even if I’m reading stuff I not only already knew, but stuff that I wrote.
I was feeling like I’d managed quite a bit of work. I had just gotten a message from one of my contract employers and when I’d responded to that, I went back to my editor to continue writing.
But something was wrong. My editor was empty. Not a word had been written.
I checked to see if there was a draft available, perhaps my browser had reloaded the original new article form …
I felt like I’d accomplished lots, but I hadn’t written word one.
I felt like I was focused, and for good reason. I wasn’t distracted, I was researching.
But I was reading stuff I’d written so I felt like I’d been writing somehow.
That’s not really an ADHD thing …
True, but the joy of not feeling distracted, and the sense that everything was okay … until it wasn’t, that was all too familiarly ADHD.
The being oblivious until the shoe drops, that’s ADHD.
The “everything is okay until it isn’t” is so much a part of my life that I wasn’t shocked at all.
I was just disappointed in myself, and that too is ADHD.
So, I thought I’d tell you about it.