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I’m Feeling Old, Yet, Not

my bicycle
Wanna see my bike?

I’ll tell you this for free, I’m feeling old.

I mean, I’m sixty now. More than half the population is younger than I am. It’s been that way for a while now.

And then you add in that heart thing I just went through.

And then top that off with my finding out that having ADHD makes me and you more susceptible to heart disease and other things.

Well … Hell!

And yet, I don’t really feel old. I still feel like I’m an eighteen year old.

Okay, a sleepy eighteen year old that feels like he could use a nap, yes.

But still, I also want to ride my bicycle and watch cartoons and eat junk food.

I can’t!

There are a lot of things I can’t do any more. Probably more things than my mind will admit to.

I can’t bench press the same weight I used to.

I also can’t run as fast or as far as I once could, and let me tell you I could once run like lightning and go for miles, hours, maybe days.

But that doesn’t really bother me

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found my hyper-activeness has become more internalized.

I still do spontaneous things. I still do things without thinking them through completely.

They are just usually things online, or around the house.

Ah, the adventurousness of youth.

And physically?

I no longer leap tall buildings in a single bound, it takes two or three smaller jumps now..

I still love to compete in sports, but now instead of playing hockey as I did when I was a child and youth, when I head to the rink, I’m on my way to curl.

I find it funny …

Let me just say, that I think it’s quite funny that I’m slowing down, not as strong, and now I’m finding out that having ADHD likely indicates a reduced life expectancy, and yet as I mentioned before, I still feel like I’m eighteen.

It makes it difficult to reconcile all the conflicting aspects of my life.

There’s a part of me

Part of me wants to go out and break up the snow on the front lawn with the other seniors living on my street. I’m not sure why they do that, but I feel drawn to do it, too. I want to yell “Get off my lawn.” and am actually sort of wishing kids would come stand on my lawn so I could do that.

But as I watch the kids go by on their scooters and bicycles and skateboards, waiting anxiously for one of them to set foot on my property, there’s another part of me that is wanting to go out into the garage and clean up and oil my bicycle.

I’m pretty sure that I could keep up with them. And I’d love to hear old man Johnston down the street yell at us to get off his lawn … Ha! That would be rad!

Let’s ride bikes, ‘kay?

I’m Feeling Old, Yet, Not

Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or more generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about having ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2019). I’m Feeling Old, Yet, Not. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 27, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2019/03/im-feeling-old-yet-not/

 

Last updated: 26 Mar 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.