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What Are You Giving Yourself This Holiday?

gifts
And it doesn’t matter how you wrap it …

ADHD means that you will have to deal with stuff.

And this time of year you’ll have even more to deal with.

All those things I talked about yesterday, for instance, and then all the fall out from all those things over the weeks following the holidays.

I mean, you know as well as I do that we are going to drop the ball on a few things. Well, I know I will.

Really?

Yeah. I used to spend a lot of time making excuses for why things didn’t get done.

Bad luck was a favorite go to for that.

And rewriting history, deciding that I had decided not to do something. Or looking at the results and deciding that they were better than if I had done something I intended to do and so it was right that I didn’t follow through and I probably knew that subconsciously …

What a pile of …

Tinsel! Yes, what a pile of tinsel, tangled, glittery logic that can be twisted to fit. The fact that I used false logic might be part of why I feel the way I do about the false logic that people use to market fake cures and aids for ADHD.

When I was diagnosed with ADHD and had to start accepting responsibility for my actions in that light, I spent a good chunk of time feeling guiltier and guiltier about my past.

At one point, like hitting rock bottom with my drinking, I had to stop and say, “I can’t change what has gone before. I can only accept the past and learn from it.”

What have I learned?

I’ve learned lots. But the thing I’ve come to realize lately is no matter how much I accept my ADHD and try to cope with the effects, deal with my interactions with the world and proceed to the perfect life I’d like to have … I still have ADHD, and it still kicks my ass every now and then … well, daily, really.

And I rail against that. I struggle and push. I push hard.

The problem is …

No matter how hard I push, no matter how much I rail and struggle, like ADHD medication, once I let up, things go back to the way they were.

So I’ve learned to sort out the easiest coping strategies that have the greatest effect and use them constantly.

The habits that cost little but cause lots of good are the good things. Taking the laundry basket out into the hallway so I remember to to put laundry away instead of leaving it in the laundry room is a good example.

And this time of year?

This time of year I’ve learned this one very good coping mechanism. Go easy on yourself. When you feel guilty about something, put that guilt aside for a couple of weeks.

For one thing, if you don’t punish yourself over it than others may not even notice. Maybe the thing you’re feeling guilty about isn’t even noticeable unless you point it out.

And for another, if others are going to punish you, why waste your time reinventing their wheel. Use your energy to make sure other things go well. And not expressing guilt may also temper their punishment too.

And remember

How you feel about yourself will always be the more important thing. That’s what you have to live with, you’re who you have to live with. Be kind to yourself and promise yourself you’ll try to help work these things out later.

Give yourself and your friends and family the gift of a joyful you for the season.

Be the spirit of the holidays and start by being good to yourself.

Please? And thank you. You’re important to me.

What Are You Giving Yourself This Holiday?

Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or more generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about having ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2018). What Are You Giving Yourself This Holiday?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 19, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2018/12/what-are-you-giving-yourself-this-holiday/

 

Last updated: 12 Dec 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Dec 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.