As has happened 21842 times before, I have a day before me in which to accommodate and pacify my world by my actions.
And as has happened in over the last ten years, I am less worried about it than I used to be.
And it has nothing to do with doing less or being more responsible, well, not really much.
Nine years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. And with the diagnosis came several stages of change.
First there was a great sense of loss. I felt like I had lost an innocence that had been my companion for the first fifty years of my life.
The thing lost was plausible deniability. Until the diagnosis I was able to see, quite clearly, that all the negative effects on my life were caused by bad luck.
Thirteen broken mirrors worth
I was a master at reconciling all that was with the idea that this was life and one day it would turn around for me and everything would then finally be alright.
With a diagnosis of ADHD in my pocket, I suddenly felt like I’d wasted fifty years of my life lying to myself.
I am a resilient man
I saw quite clearly that I had a choice, I could feel sorry for myself, thereby extending the length of time that my life had been negatively affected by this thing, or I could stand up and start moving in the direction of real living.
I chose not to wallow in that loss. I chose to start from where I was and move forward.
Pay attention now …
That diagnosis weighed heavy on me for some time, and still does to a great extent. But that’s okay, because it reminds me constantly to reassess in the new light of this knowledge.
And that has helped me focus on coping. I’ve figured a lot of things out, how to make myself keep on track in some pretty primitive, yet effective ways is on the top of my list. Feeling good about the little things is right up there as well.
And every now and then …
I take the time on occasion to reassess where I am in life and what progress I’ve made.
I chose to do that today because I’m faced with a pretty big list of unrelated tasks and the thought occurred to me that I used to have days like this without realizing that in advance.
Today is a good day
Today I realized that the old pre-diagnosis assessment of my life turned out to be not as far off as I had originally thought it was nine years ago.
The idea that my luck would change one day and life would get better was laughable back then, but today it suddenly occurred to me that this life has experienced just that.
I got diagnosed, got put on a better path, was given the ability to see ways of coping and have availed myself of the benefits of all that. I’d say my luck has changed, wouldn’t you?
So yes, this day suits me … suits me just fine. Bring it on.