I’m not sure about today.
It seems to me that I keep drifting away from what I’m supposed to be doing.
I catch myself wandering the Facebook when I’m supposed to be writing or doing IT work.
And yet, the day is not getting away from me as much as I think it should be if I’m as scattered and distracted as I feel I am.
I look at the time and it’s not as late as I feel it should be given how many things I’ve looked at and how often I’ve found myself away from my work.
And I kind of think it might be the opposite of being scattered and distracted.
I mean …
Yes, I’m still scattered. Yes, I’m still wandering away from my work mentally.
But since I’m not falling behind, I can only surmise that I’m noticing it more and correcting it.
That would suggest …
That would seem to indicate that I am actually more present, more in the moment than I usually am.
And if that is possible, than I am actually not what it feels like I am.
If I’m in the moment and noticing I am distracted more frequently, then it is possible that I am not actually drifting any more than I usually am.
Did you know that apparently the more conservative and more Christian southern states are apparently the highest consumers of online porn? Yeah, I didn’t either.
But more importantly, at least to me, that’s the kind of thing that would have taken me down the rabbit hole and ended up with me on Amazon looking for books on living life off the grid and far from humanity.
But I read the headline, a couple of paragraphs to ascertain that it was neither fake news nor solidly proven fact, and went back to work.
And again …
A musician friend whose work I adore posted that she was doing a cover of a song that I love and I started looking for a copy of it and initiated a chat with her to see if such a thing existed. The answer was no. Heartbroken, that was me.
When I was on youtube searching before she responded to tell me not to look, I came across our city council’s latest meeting video. One of my jobs is to make sure that video streams from a site that I work for. I embedded the video and then … went back to work on my blogs.
Am I better off being aware or being unaware of my wandering mind’s wandering ways?
On the one side, I’m being more efficient.
But on the other side I’m most definitely feeling down on myself each time I catch me wandering off.
I think I’d still just rather not have ADHD. Too bad that’s never going to be an option.