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Why Is This So Hard

non-functional switch
I can fix that!

I’m about to go do a little job.

The job involves replacing a switch on my big boat.

I also have to install the battery on it to make sure the switch works.

Once those two things are done, the boat is probably sold.

How hard could it be?

Straight up easy. I’ve pulled and replaced batteries dozens of times, rewired lots of things far more complicated than this.

In all honesty, the slogging of the battery up into the boat and down into the engine room is harder than any of the connection work that needs to be done. And that’s just grunt work.

It’s true that my supplier gave me the wrong switch, in that it has the wrong connectors on it, but when I pointed that out they apologized profusely and since I didn’t want to wait for them to order another they gave me replacement wire ends for free, so I do have to crimp new connectors onto the wires.

But still …

Yep, not hard.

So why does it seem to loom up in front of me like income tax?

Reason number one (there’s only one)

There’s a hint above. I love that boat and it’s going to be sold.

I mean, I don’t love it like home or anything. I love it because I got it at a time when I needed to be able to get to the water, to get out on the water.

I’m aquatic by nature. I both love and have a healthy respect for big water. And that boat was a sturdy and stalwart vessel that made me appear to be a competent seaman when in fact I was of passable skill at best.

And now?

Now it’s likely sold.

Fair enough. I neither need nor deserve it any more.

I put it into storage shortly after my wife passed away, and then I put me into storage in a rather real manner of speaking.

Things don’t keep well

Things in storage don’t keep well, and people with ADHD don’t keep well in storage either.

I broke out. And I made changes. And I finally remembered the boat.

But now I have a place on the water, and I don’t need to do anything more than walk out the back door and down to the dock to get to the water.

So what is the big deal?

People with ADHD make barriers bigger than they are, especially emotional ones.

This will be me doing something that ends possibilities that are connected to past comfort.

Comfort is comforting

And being uncomfortable is not. And it’s not gratifying.

And if we’re all about instant gratification, and I assure you that is a big driver for us, imagine how unhappy we are to end gratification! I’m not happy about this. It’s not resting easily on my soul.

But I am determined to do it. And I’m determined to find some bit of comfort in what comes of it.

Until I do that, however, I and my ADHD are going to be somewhat out at sea without that boat.

Why Is This So Hard

Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or more generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about having ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2018). Why Is This So Hard. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 17, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2018/10/why-is-this-so-hard/

 

Last updated: 16 Oct 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Oct 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.