I always have ADHD. It’s something that is a part of me.
And there are those who suggest that it is no different from having brown hair (or grey, maybe?) or being tall or having big ears.
They suggest that, as a part of you, it is just something that goes into the way you are and act and are received by the world.
Sorry, but this is my life and my opinion counts. ADHD is an insidious disorder that robs me of so much.
The heartbreak of suddenly realizing you’ve missed something big in your life because of the way your brain works is real and really degrading.
There are times when I can forget that I have ADHD. And those times are important and wonderful.
The bad part of those times is that they usually end with the realization that you do have ADHD and that’s usually the result of having discovered you’ve missed something because of your hyper-focus on life without ADHD.
It’s getting better … ???
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, I’m getting to the point where my ADHD is constantly on my mind, at least as a note in the background, a post-it being shuffled around in my cranium.
That’s fortunate because I often catch things before they are a problem. Well, okay, I often catch them before they become the kind of problem that overwhelms me and makes more problems.
But unfortunate because
Yeah, well, there is a price to be paid for constantly reminding yourself that you have a developmental disorder. It’s a negative thought, involving self-stigmatization.
It takes a bit of effort to build ones self esteem up from that, and it takes a monumental amount of effort to do that while reminding ones self that one misses things, can’t maintain focus on any one thing well, is forgetful, gets bored with things that require attention to uninteresting details, etc., etc., etc.
More good news
Just like I am getting better at keeping the fact that I have ADHD present in my mind and using that awareness to keep me functioning and reduce the number of incidents where ADHD sneaks up and bites me on the ass, I’m also getting better at maintaining self esteem while knowing that I have this disorder.
It helps that I have some pretty good skills at things that are worth being proud of.
So while my development was different from the neuro-typical development, there are positives to that to go along with the negatives.
So, do I care that I have ADHD? Of course I do. But only enough to assist me in compensating. After that? Phhhfftt!