… I still remember.
Ha, is that confusing? I imagine so.
One of the issues with ADHD is that we have a working memory, but it’s kind of like your cell phone after you’ve fished it out of the toilet and left it in a bag of rice for a week.
Or maybe it’s like that same phone after you’ve shattered the screen so badly that you can’t read what’s on it, but it still clearly does things when you touch that shattered screen.
Okay, all I’m trying to say is it doesn’t always work, it doesn’t work consistently when it does work, and we have no way of knowing how well it will work on any given day.
I wish …
For instance, I wish I could have back all the time I’ve spent rewriting blog posts that started out saying one thing, but ended up discussing something else.
How can anyone, in the course of 500 words or less, get so far off topic? And how can they not realize it until they drop that final punctuation mark after the dramatic final flourish and then see that the title and first few paragraphs have nothing to do with what they wrote in the first place.
I wish, all right, I wish I could just not do … But then, often times I’ll just rewrite the beginning and set aside the original concept for another post.
Win, win? Maybe.
The funny part
I don’t know, on any given day, or at any given moment of my life, whether or not my short term, or so called “working” memory is working well enough to trust it.
But the funny part is that I have no choice. I can write down what I need to remember in the short term, but will I remember what I was going to write down by the time I’ve found paper and a pen?
Trying not to laugh
It’s not that funny, it’s damned frustrating in fact. But I have learned to accept it. And there are times when it is quite hilarious, while it is ruining parts of my day.
And the “learning to accept” is part of the key to my life being as good as it is these days.
The facts that have brought me here started with my diagnosis.
Over the last nine years I’ve made a list of things that have made my life easier. The second thing on that list following my diagnosis is that I only have one life to live.
In light of that “one life” revelation, I realized that spending it whinging and whining about the way it was … was the greater detriment.
If my working memory is bad, and I waste what there is of it being focused on that, what am I accomplishing with my life?
You see …
Having ADHD in my life is like having a road to travel and a destination to be at. There are two things going on, the road, and the destination.
I can sit down at the beginning of the road and grumble, but that won’t get me to the destination.
And I’m damned if I’m going to die at the beginning of the road.
And I’m damned if I’m going to waste my time worrying about the road or the destination when there are sights to see.
Wait, what did I start out writing about? I’ve kind of forgotten.