My mind is my mind.
I don’t think it’s normal, and I’ve had the good fortune to be allowed the time to figure out that normal is the last thing I’d want it to be.
I like the way it rolls. I like the things it comes up with. I like its ability, its agility, its sense of humor.
I like my brain.
… like it a lot!
It’s the only one I’ve got, after all.
And yes, I am aware that it is different from other brains. It’s even different from other brains with ADHD.
But more importantly, it is recognizably different from the brains that belong to the people we refer to as neuro-typical.
I don’t mean to label people who clearly can only be labeled as unlabelable. I mean, that’s their schtick, right? Their claim to fame?
They are part of the vanilla of society. So fine, I’ll be Neapolitan.
But so long as they are they and I am just me in any interaction, my actions and participation will be judged against what are referred to as normal interactions.
And that …
That’s not fair.
Remember that my brain is different? Yeah, so my mind works in an unusual way.
For instance …
We may be having a conversation, you and I, face to face. And you may notice that I keep looking at my watch.
Don’t be offended. Seriously, don’t be.
Because I’m having three other conversations with myself at the same time.
If I’m talking to you, odds are I’m not anxious to end our conversation. If I were, I probably would have already drifted away by now.
And if I did do that, I’m sorry, next time you’ll have to be more exciting then the other things going on around me. Practice, you’ll get it eventually.
But if we’re still talking …
And if I’m still looking at my watch, again, it doesn’t mean I have someplace else to be. Trust me, I’m not that subtle.
Sometimes, when I look at my watch … I just want to know what time it is. And sometimes I’ll look at my watch and say to myself, “Oh, that’s what time it is.” And I’ll register my amazement, but not the actual time.
Ha, then I’ll look at my watch again. And I’ll think, “Oh, that’s why I was surprised.” and I still won’t register the time in an area of my brain that will hold on to it.
It may take me five or six times to finally know what time it is. And then, five minutes later, I’ll start wondering how much later it is now, ’cause I don’t get how time moves.
So you see …
You can’t know what’s on my mind, where it’s at, or even what took it there. So look for the broad strokes, the big clues.
As I said above, assume that if I’m still talking to you that I want to, even if I’m on my phone and reaching past you for a magazine or pamphlet. Even if I talk to three other people about three other things while you’re talking to me, if I’m still there, it probably means I intend to be part of our conversation.
And yes, I know it’s not the best situation, but you only have to deal with it while you’re talking to me.
I have to deal with it all the time. For instance, do you have any idea how many cat pictures I had to like on the Facebook while I was telling you this? *smh!