Trying to read my own mind

Me doing the Vulcan mind meld on myself

You can’t read my mind.

And if you could, you’d need to be a speed reader to keep up.

I’m not saying you’re not, but either you’re Neuro-typical and my mind’s thoughts will be switching so fast you’ll be getting dizzy, or you’re one of my people and while your mind is possibly as fast as mine or even maybe faster, you have your own thoughts to think.

Either way …

And because my thoughts change quickly, it’s hard for mew to stay on one topic long enough to make decisions.

But because it’s my brain, because neural pathways become familiar, because they repeat, eventually I make headway on dozens of thought trains. It just seems like I’m thinking of everything at once to me.

And it seems like I’m thinking of nothing at all to everyone else.


So suddenly, I will come to a conclusion. At least it will seem like it happened suddenly.

I’ll be like, “You know Spring is just a transition period, right? Do you see that squirrel? Reminds me of that squirrel we saw at the beach that time. I miss my old blue bathing suit. Can we have ice cream? I hate coffee beans in ice cream but I love coffee sooo much. I renewed my library card last week and can’t find it. I’m going to buy a new car now … that one.

All of a sudden!

The thing is, that just because it came out of left field doesn’t mean it was a sudden decision.

Yes, maybe it was made more quickly than others would have made the same decision, and maybe I didn’t think it through completely.

But I’m willing to bet that a lot more thought went into it than appeared to go into it.

It was random thought

Not a random decision so much as the culmination of many separate random thoughts that only I could see the path of.

They were thoughts that were strung together with millions of other thoughts in between. I call it the string theory of ADHD.

Actually, I just thought of that string theory thing and decided to say it, but that was hardly a major decision.

But …

And let’s face it, most really major decisions require a “cooling off” period. Okay, not maybe enough of one in the case of cars or guns.

But you can’t really go out and buy real estate or plan a family in an instant. Okay, those were also bad examples.

Perhaps …

Perhaps it’s actually a good idea to leave us with our scattered thoughts.Sudden change really should take time.

Perhaps our scattered thoughts are what gives us the opportunity to contemplate and take the time we need when we have important things to be decisive about.

Perhaps I should just think about that for a while. That and … I wonder if they still sell those blue bathing suits?