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Sorry, Not Sorry

mmmyeah, sorry?

I was told, shortly after I figured out that I might have ADHD, that I was letting it take over my life.

I kind of laughed out loud, long, and hard over that.

My life had been ADHD before I figured it out. At least I was pretty sure it had, once I’d understood what ADHD was.

And later on, when I’d been diagnosed, the emotions that flooded over me were undeniably overwhelming.

What’s so funny?

What had I been laughing about when I’d heard that statement? I wasn’t letting anything take over my life … I was suddenly aware that something I hadn’t recognized as even being a thing had been running my life all along.

But those words follow me still, “You’re letting ADHD take over your life.”

Am I?

I mean, I know what she meant when she said it. For a long time after I found out I had ADHD I would stop and analyze everything I did, everything I thought, and try to deduce whether it was done because of my ADHD, or if it were unsuccessful because of my ADHD, or if I would be someone else doing something different if it wasn’t for the damned ADHD!!!

So, not only did I have ADHD, but I was hyper aware of the fact and still trying to figure out the ramifications and alternative abilities and incapacities that went along with that.

And to this day …

Not a day goes by that I don’t contemplate my life with this insidious disorder and its unique and individual situations that it constantly thrusts upon me.

But I’ve long since realized that I have always and will always live just this one life and the biggest challenge is accepting it.

And part of that acceptance of knowing I have this disorder is accepting that I will constantly be working on coping.

And coping requires …

And in order to cope, I need to know both what I have to deal with and what tools are at my disposal.

And the best way for someone who has been living in the neuro-typical world for fifty years to understand these things is to be constantly looking at what they thought was reality and understanding how their life differs from that reality through comparison and deduction and application and trial and error with the knowledge that they have ADHD being uppermost in their mind constantly.

And am I sorry?

I’m sorry that I have to deal with this stuff without having the benefit of being understood.

But I would not want any other life than the one I have. I would not want any other mind than the one I have.

And if the mind is the animated virtual manifestation of the brain, then yes, I would not want any other brain than this one, this erroneously developed frontal lobe challenged, misfiring, loose wired sparking snapping and unregulated old brain that has served me well given it’s uniquenesses and peculiarities.

So I’d like to say that I’m sorry that the world has to deal with me and my funky ways. I’d like to, but I can’t. I can’t because I’m not sorry, not sorry at all.

Sorry, Not Sorry

Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live on the traditional lands of the Chippewas of Nawash in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or 7 generations and my First Nations friend's families go back hundreds of generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I am a freelance writer and I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about living with ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man

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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2018). Sorry, Not Sorry. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2020, from


Last updated: 2 Apr 2018
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