not normal

It took a while to figure out …

Okay, already. I tried.

First, for nearly fifty years, I tried to be normal. I thought I was normal. Okay, I thought I was on the outer edge of normal, but still in the circle.

I tried to interact with others normally, but of course, as soon as I got thinking it was going well I’d let my guard down and impulsively mention something unmentionable and be back to square one.

I tried to not do the things that were looked upon with askance by those who I esteemed as normal.

But …

It took a long time to realize I was too unique to be normal.

And when I did realize that I was never going to be normal, it wasn’t because I had a diagnosis. I had no idea that my … situation, shall we say? … was definable.

I thought I was the push-me-pull-you … and Doc Doolittle was doing little to locate me so I was alone.

I wasn’t

I was married, and had in-laws, but I had managed to create a life for myself where I was accepted, and where the coping skills I’d learned compensated for or negated the worst of my unique manifestations.

And I thrived … sort of. I did not get ahead, and I was no financial success, though I managed not to get into debt too deeply. The debts I did incur were ones with potential for benefit. A mortgage, for instance, that created equity as it was paid off.

So I did alright

But, I was not alright. I continued to have quiet moments of doubt and I continued to feel lonely because of that.

And then came the revelation of my ADHD. The details have been documented before in this blog so I won’t go into that here. Yes, I know it is a huge blog, but they’re in there, trust me.

But I will tell you that I found my people as soon as I stood under the banner and and blew the trumpet.

And then …

Well, it is great having people. It’s great knowing you are understood. And from the security of knowing that to be possible I’ve found that I can speak with surety about my ADHD to NT’s and be accepted as my own kind of normal.

But now I want to try some other things. I want to leave having ADHD in the background and start doing things without constantly carrying the aforementioned banner and blowing the aforementioned trumpet.

I’ve tried to be the poster boy while I live my life, and I think I’ve done a good job. But now I want to do other things as well.

So, while I’ll still keep coming back here and writing about how it all is and was and could be with ADHD, I’ve got some things to do before I die and I want to do them without ADHD being a sixty percent factor in those things.

Maybe it can’t be done. I’ll let you know how it’s going …