My time …

I’ve known I have ADHD for over nine years now.

And that puts me in an interesting category. When people my age-ish were young, there was a very good chance that you could make your way through school and all its scrutiny without being diagnosed with ADHD.

There was a good long stretch of time, you see, between ADHD being defined and current standards of diagnosis being put in place.

In fact, there have been documented cases of ADHD, labeled with various names like ADD and minimal brain dysfunction, etc, for many decades. These cases go back to before I was born.

And yet … I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 50.

Never any time …

There was never a time when I wasn’t too busy to pursue the idea that there was something discernibly wrong with the way my brain worked.

No don’t start with me. I said wrong and I meant it. I’m not a negative guy, but wrong is a concept. My brain doesn’t work the way other brains work, but it’s trying to function in a world that has been set up for the way those other brains work. Hence … wrong.

Are we on time?

Right, we were talking about time, or the lack there of. See, before I was diagnosed I was just trying to keep up because my brain didn’t work the same as other’s brains did.

Because I could be distracted, and couldn’t manage time the same, because I didn’t have a good perception of how time worked, how fast it went, how long things took, I was always scrambling to finish things.

And I was always adding things into the mix, onto my schedule, for all the same reasons listed above.

But now?

Now, now that I know about ADHD, my ADHD, and all the ramifications of that disorder, things are vastly different.

Ha! No, they are not. Vastly would be a great overstatement.

In point of fact, what things are are understood. And I’ll go farther, things that go pear shaped or haywire just plain wrong in my life are accepted by me. I’ve learned to fit the faults in, fix the damages, accept the things that get broken and move on.

But still …

Still, there is no time for ADHD. I mean, there will always be time to do ADHD things, but there’s very little time to augment my understanding of how it relates to my life. I’m too busy living.

And that’s not all bad. I’m learning how my life works and I guess that includes my ADHD, and every now and then there is another epiphany regarding how ADHD affects my life and how I can use that or, in some cases reduce or negate the effects of it.

And I’m spending what time I have now accepting adventure in my life, enjoying what comes my way, experiencing both the tasks I have to do and the activities I add in.

I may have no time for ADHD, but after 50 years of living I’ve realized that what time I do have … is mine.