But What About Me?
I hear this a lot, “… with guidance and counseling …” and it’s starting to give me a complex.
And today, I found it repeated almost verbatim in the Wikipedia.
Lets have a little read, shall we?
“Adult ADHD is typically marked by inattentiveness, difficulty getting work done, procrastination and organizational problems. Specifically, adults with ADHD present with persistent difficulties in following directions, remembering information, concentrating, organizing tasks, completing work within specified time frames and appearing timely in appointments. These difficulties affect several different areas of an ADHD adult’s life, causing emotional, social, vocational, marital, legal, financial and/or academic problems. As a result, low self-esteem is commonly developed. However, given the right guidance and coaching, these traits of ADHD could also lead to career success, and in some cases, unique advantages in critical thinking and creativity.”
Now, there’s a wealth of information there. And much, if not all of it is dead on. I mean, it’s pretty negative right up until the end of it, but none of it can be denied as a generality of the disorder.
I’m getting tired of the line about guidance and counseling, or as the wiki puts it, “… the right guidance and coaching …” – I won’t even go into the question of how difficulties can lead to career success, I mean, I believe it, but I don’t have room for that here.
These statements make us sound like we’re some sort of car that requires steering in order for us to be successful.
Okay, yes …
I’ll admit that that is a very strict interpretation of the words, and I confess to having friends who are coaches and counselors and I appreciate and accept what they do and the huge differences they make in our lives.
There seems to be no mention of the fact that guidance and coaching and counseling all have to be administered to someone who is then willing to work on themselves.
You can counsel someone ’til their ears fall off but if they do not change you accomplish nothing.
Why is it that the single most important thing is never mentioned? Why is it no one is ever prepared by being told that if they do not practice the strategies and coping skills that are offered, and even more importantly, work with them to adapt them to their own lives, all the external efforts will be of no use whatsoever!!!
Yes, you. And me also. You and I must take the opportunities given us by all the guidance and coaching and counseling and advice, take those opportunities and make them part of our lives. We must embed ourselves in them and them in us.
We must, if we are to succeed, be as much a part of our strategies as our guides and coaches and counselors. In fact, we must be the bigger part.
There’s an old joke …
“How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.”
We’re light bulbs. We may want change, but if we don’t want to put in the effort, then change is not coming.
This really is a case of being the change you want to see, and no one seems to ever mention that.
Babcock, K. (2018). But What About Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 25, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2018/03/but-what-about-me/