Recently, I’ve been amazed at how often I cannot make up my mind about what opinion I should have on certain situations.
I seem to be able to see both sides of a lot of arguments or even just decisions. And it seems to be making me somewhat indecisive.
Wait a minute …
Now it’s true that I usually have an opinion going in, but I’ve discovered that my second thoughts often reveal things I hadn’t considered.
And I’ve also realized that my second opinions are often more valid than my first ones.
Considered decisions are usually more stable than gut reactions.
But not always
It’s true that I often make spur of the moment decisions in clutch situations so as not to reveal that, even though my mind is pretty fast, it doesn’t always cover all possibilities in advance. When I make a snap decision it is often without considering everything.
That is to say that when I’m in a situation that could have been forecast by a bit of contemplative thought in advance, I may well have wasted that opportunity in considering how to get the filling out of cookies that I might buy at some point in the future and what to do about a bicycle I’ve recently acquired that needs a seat and also if I know where the book I was reading might be and bacon. Oh, and the weather, cardboard boxes, that song I heard last week …. you get the picture, right?
So … indecisive?
It doesn’t help that lately I’m finding myself happy to see someone else being happy, and will often decide to let that other person decide so that I can experience them being happy. It’s not really indecisive, it’s more that my decision is that I’d rather they get to be happy. Or to put it another way, I choose them being happy over us cooking and eating something I might like more.
And it isn’t just cooking, but it is okay, because I am happy they’re happy. That’s what I choose.
But in other things, I’m indecisive.
I have trouble deciding on which jobs to do first on my task lists. And I have difficulty deciding which things are more important when it comes to calendar conflicts. I went through hell when I was going to buy a car last year. I mean, I was looking at used cars, comparing available options, had it narrowed down to the make and model I wanted and which major options I could do without and then …
I bought another pickup truck.
Yes, it made sense. No it wasn’t really spur of the moment, I took fifteen minutes or so to decide. But I did spend several months believing I was going to buy a car.
I’ve heard it said that people with ADHD seem to be more empathetic on average, than the general population. And I believe that to be true.
When my head is not in the clouds, and I pay attention to a situation, I can often read peoples needs and feel their situations. I can be sympathetic through not just concern, but through understanding as well.
And it is the second thoughts that get me to that point of empathy, the, “What if that were me? How would I deal with it?” thoughts.
People with ADHD whose attentions can be gotten, make great friends, great confidants, great consolers.
And that’s all on how their minds work, it’s all on second thoughts.