There are some things that are a part of life for some of us.
For instance, you may not know it to look at me, but I’m an alcoholic. And not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could just say “Screwitol” and sit myself down with a nice tall drink.
Or seventeen of them.
The other thing that people can’t see when they look at me is my ADHD.
But, the way you dress …
Yeah, yeah. But lots of people of all kinds have no fashion sense … or so I’m told.
And anyone could have a day when they realized their other suit was at the cleaners.
Me standing in a doorway asking myself, “What did I come in here for?” is not an indication that I have ADHD, unless you’ve noticed that this is the seventh time I’ve done that and it’s only 9:32AM.
So there’s two things that happen to me every day, that people may not notice with a casual glance in my direction.
Just the beginning …
There are deeper depths that I’m willing to plumb and revelations I’d like to share here. Let’s begin with the fact that I regret something every day.
It seems to be a way of life for me. And it isn’t some deep dark secret, in fact, it changes frequently.
For instance, I often regret not staying on the farm. I really think my life would have been a lot calmer there.
I can shut down the negative thoughts that come with that regret quite easily, by simply reminding myself of all the wonderful relationships I’ve had and am having in my life. I know that a calm and quiet farm life would have been a lot less socially outgoing.
I regret not having figured out this ADHD stuff in time to have told my mother about it.
I regret not thanking my grandmother for her infinite understanding of me and my mind. Even though she also never had a name for the way I am, she was the first and best teacher in my life who tasked herself with my education.
And certainly not the least …
Not a day goes by that I do not regret having ADHD. I know that there is nothing I could have done to change this, but I regret it just the same.
I regret that I have burdened so many with my inability to focus at times, and my ability to procrastinate, and hyper-focus on things I don’t need to be doing.
I regret not having pursued, in one marathon run, an education worthy of my grandmother’s respect.
I regret that life has moved on while I continue to contemplate, like an eighteen year old, what to do with myself.
I regret not getting the opportunity to experience life without ADHD.
But, I do not …
Not ever, not at any time have I even momentarily entertained the idea that I regret having had this life.
And even with ADHD … no, scratch that, especially with ADHD, I have found my life to be an adventure of the grandest kind.
I take myself as seriously as I need to, but never too seriously, and I let my wonderful mind free to color in the corners and light up the vistas of this grey little world.
And not a day goes by that I am not thankful for this mind and this life and these times and the people who are accepting of me and my oddly ADHD ways.