I’m always busy, though sometimes it doesn’t look like it.
Well, it looks like it, but it doesn’t look productive.
Okay, sometimes it doesn’t look like I’m busy OR productive.
But that would be …
My mind is always rolling, running wild, churning through unseen things that may never be revealed to the outside world.
And those things that it churns through? All those thoughts and ideas, well, it’s true that many of them are thought and then forgotten, but I never know which ones will make a comeback as part of some other train of thought.
And while we’re on that train …
It recently occurred to me that neuro-typical people may find the phrase “train of thought” to be descriptive of their cerebral processes, but for me I think flotilla or armada or possibly fleet is more the way my mind works.
Not that my thoughts are soggy or all washed up, it’s just that the nautical surface provides the matrix that best describes my minds workings, restricted to railway tracks seems unauthentic as a description of ADHD thought patterns.
But wait …
Yes, I’ve wandered into some other part of the fleet of thought that’s floating by … I was talking about fast thoughts, not their arrangement.
And fast and frequent are words that fit. But fleet also means fast, and fleeting is as good a description of my thoughts as I can come up with … er, now that I think about it.
And when something unexpected happens in my life, the amazing thing is that I have possibly already thought about such a situation, or perhaps something similar enough that I can extrapolate suitable reactions quickly.
But sometimes …
Sometimes my reactions aren’t as suitable as I’d like them to be, but that’s part of being me, part of ADHD. We call that part, “Inappropriate.”
And sometimes I have no thoughts to fall back on, and my mind freezes in its tracks. (I see I’m back to the train analogy of thoughts.)
But that freeze never lasts, and random thoughts start back up almost immediately. And once started, they are up to the speed of thought in the blink of an eye.
And when do they slow down?
Almost never. My thoughts slow down with exhaustion. My mind has two speeds, flat out, and “I need sleep!”
But there is something I do now and then that might be considered slowing my thoughts down. It also might be considered meditation.
I can sometimes find a quiet place and cast my mind about for a thought that in comforting, on that appeals. Then I make an effort to focus on that thought for a while.
And when I say a while, I mean a long time. Like maybe ninety or more seconds; I might possibly even manage a couple of minutes before my thoughts veer wildly off to rejoin the fleet of fleeting micro ideas that passes for my ADHD train of thought.