broken

It’s simple, really …

I’m not sure if I’ve told you all this before, but at one time I was actually a computer programmer.

I learned a lot when I went to college to become a computer programmer, and one of those things was that there are two “M’s” in programmer.

But I also learned some pretty neat stuff about instructions and how they need to be explicit in order for errors not to occur.

I also learned that you couldn’t count on data to be in the correct format so you had to be explicit in defining how to deal with bad data

But most of all …

Mostly I learned about logic errors. I wasn’t taught a lot about logic errors, I just learned about them because of their nature.

You see, logic errors are the errors that are made by the programmer that cause the program to have faults and flaws.

One of my professors put it best when he said that a logic error was when the computer did what it was told to do instead of what it was needed to do.

Say that again?

Yeah, I know, brilliant, right? So I would write code and when it was compiled, I would have forgotten to account for something, and the computer would end up frozen or appearing to be frozen.

Or, if I was lucky, the code would cause what was referred to as a “fatal error” that killed the program that was running and dumped the user back out to the operating system. Lucky? Yes, because you knew something was likely wrong with the program.

And this has to do with ADHD in what way?

Yeah, well, it’s like this, that endless loop of logic is often where I find my mind stuck. Whoever wrote the code for my brain has created several logic errors that cause a lot of wasted time for me.

I often find myself pondering some problem, and the obvious solution might be that if this or that were different I could just go ahead, move on.

And the loop?

The loop starts with the internal dialogue that goes, “Yes, but it isn’t different, so lets figure this out. Restate the problem.”

And then the problem is restated inside my head and again the obvious solution is again the first thing that comes to mind. And again, the internal dialogue is, “Yes, but it isn’t different, so lets figure this out. Restate the problem.”

Back in school …

When I was studying programming, the solution was usually to tweak or even rewrite the module that failed.

But sometimes the best solution was less elegant. Sometimes it involved inserting code before and after and even into the erroneous module that jiggered the data and the variables and even gated past parts of code in certain situations.

And with my brain?

Yeah, I can’t yet rewrite the programming. So I make other changes. I try other things and make notes on what works and what doesn’t.

I’ve learned that charging up the hardware of my brain with stimulants helps. And using external triggers to intervent during run time of the programming is another trick.

So basically, coping with the errors in my programming is a matter of the less elegant insertion of events as code.

And while it isn’t perfect, it’s better than nothing. And until the new operating system for this brain is released, Kelly 2.0, these patches will have to do. have to do. have to do. have to do. … sorry about that.