clock

Can’t quite figure it out …

So, we talked about time travel over the last two days, and the really odd thing is that I was able to discuss time with you as if I understood it.

But I don’t. I don’t understand time. And here’s some of the problem …

Today I’m in a hurry. I have things to do and I’m happy about that, but it’s because I’ve been rather sick with a cold or bug of some sort.

I’m better now, though. A lot better.

Time to get going

It’s time now to get caught up. And maybe get ahead a bit, too.

But I’ll have to be careful about a few things. It’s one of those situations where I’m not sure what I’m doing

???

Okay. Yeah, I know what I’m doing. I’m writing, doing the IT work I usually do, taking care of some of the easier graphic arts stuff needed by a couple of sites that I work for.

But there are complications that come with having ADHD. Complications involving time.

Time is a conundrum

Time is a stranger to me. And yet, it’s a constant companion.

And this leads to problems. Especially when I’m busy.

How does that work?

I have no concept of how long many things take. And as a result, I will often start things that I don’t actually have time to finish. If there are things I could have gotten started and finished, that means that I have zero completion when I could have had some thing done.

And that plays hell with my self esteem. And that leads me to being a procrastinator.

And what I don’t put off …

What I don’t put off doing is overthinking things. For example, I’ll spend more time pondering how long it might take to fill out a form than I would filling it out.

And if I have trouble figuring out how long something will take I will often just not start it, thinking I’ll do it when I have an open ended block of time.

How often does that happen?

Well, you know, never.

And eventually, the thing I’ve put off doing will be procrastinated right up hard against its deadline.

That’s when I’ll cheerfully proclaim, “Well now, I guess we’ll finally find out how long this will take.”

Additionally …

Yes, there is the other side of this same coin. And since life with ADHD is often a coin toss to see which half of some paradox will apply today, it makes sense to identify the other half of this time problem.

And is it the opposite? Is it ever!

I can do that in no time!

The other half of this dichotomy is that I often feel that I can do things with a flick of the wrist, in no time at all, in a blink.

And it’s not until I start on them that I realize how much more complicated they are.

So today …

I have a lot of things to do. And though I’ve been putting them off because I’ve been unwell, the result is the same.

I’m in a corner, up against some deadlines, and it feels very familiar. It feels like the same old time twisted conundrum I’m always dealing with.

So time is what my life is made up of. And time is what I don’t understand. And ADHD is the thing that is blocking my vision of it.

And it seems that no matter how fast I go … I can’t make up time.