Have you ever put three or more ingredients together in a bowl and watched as the mixing begins?
There’s a point at which any given part of the contents looks like all the other parts, and yet each area is unique and different, swirled together yet still in separate streaks, no two points alike, yet all are familiar looking in the mess of it.
And that’s kind of what I gravitate towards, a life of swirled together parts that have been chosen seemingly randomly.
And I hate it … and I love it.
Like most people with ADHD, I like structure in my life. I like to have a sense that there is a plan.
And there doesn’t even have to be a plan, just the illusion of one is good enough.
It is about comfort
That is the absolute truth. Having ADHD and coping with ADHD is all about how uncomfortable the disorder can make you and how comfortable your coping mechanisms can make you in the face of that discomfort.
And when I say uncomfortable, I mean discomfort on a par with unsedated major surgery. That is to say the discomfort I experience when things are at their extremes seem to me to be what I might experience were I to undergo surgery without sedation.
So why do I …
Yeah, I know, why do I “swirl” so many different things into my life, and why do I reach for connections between those swirls to justify that what I’m doing is all of a piece?
Well, again, it’s about comfort. If I deny myself opportunities to do things, especially the ones I do spontaneously, it’s uncomfortable.
It’s a discomfort that is out of proportion with the activity or the denial of it.
It is an insidious and pervasive discomfort, one that causes a great deal of stress.
Remember that when we’re talking about ADHD, we’re talking about a mental health issue here. We have our share of break downs, though we usually recover because of the way we are able to rewrite things that have happened in the past.
We are nothing if not resilient. And I say this knowing full well that many of us still suffer and struggle. I say it because they continue to suffer and struggle and survive.
Just as bravery is not the same as being fearless, resilience is not the ability to avoid struggles and suffering and stress.
And so the swirl continues
And so do we continue to deal, as we immerse ourselves in lives of spontaneity and variations on the theme of excitement.
And if we seem to be uncomfortable in our lives, it’s probably because we’re having trouble balancing behaving appropriately and being spontaneous.
A little to much in either direction is a lot of discomfort.
And it’s all about the comfort.