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How to time travel

Yes. You read that right. I know how to time travel. And I’m going to teach you how.

And then? Then I’m going to teach you why you shouldn’t do it.

Don’t. Just don’t. Not. Ever.

But first …

First there are a couple of things you need to know about time travel. And the first one is the saddest. You can’t go back in time. You can only go forward.

Yeah, I know, that’s more than half of the fun gone right there. Going back would be great. You could fix a lot of things I’m sure. Yep, me too.

And the other thing?

You can’t return when you go forward. If you think about it, it’s the same as the first thing, you can’t go back. But it seems to be an aspect of the first thing that a lot of people don’t realize until they’re told.

But you can go forward, and it is time travel because you can control how fast you go.

Really?

Yes. You. You get to decide the speed. Well, it actually takes a fair bit of practice to control it. And even those of us who can, are finding out that the controls are very sluggish.

Perhaps I should tell you my experiences. They may help illuminate what I’m saying here for you.

Here’s the story …

Many years ago when I was in grade school, I lived in a rural setting. I had undiagnosed ADHD (we’d never even heard of it at that time), I had a disdain for school, and I had few if any friends.

And I was sure, as I had been from my first comprehension of the structure of society, that everything would be better once I was an adult.

Of course, I had no idea how right or wrong that might have been, but my surety was supported by the certainty of uninformed youth.

So …

I was riding the school bus one day and lamenting my situation, and thinking how great it would be to be done with all that stuff. I again pondered the idea that it seemed to take forever to get through youth. It occurred to me, it being a Monday morning, that I had seen enough Monday mornings to last me a good long time.

Then my mind went back to the Monday before, and I remembered it vividly, as if it had been yesterday. And this led me to think that time was moving rather more quickly than I’d first thought.

Perception is key

And then I wondered if my mind’s pressure on time was moving it more quickly than it had been going? Was I willing time to move faster?

I also conceded that it might only be my perception of time that was moving faster, but when I considered that, I realized that would be good enough. Since time is a perception, all we need to do really is perceive it to be moving faster and it then will be doing just that. Voila, time travel

I was thrilled!

I decided to see if I could make time go faster still. I made a few experiments and soon realized that the more I checked out of reality and just drifted through my own inner world, safe from the obligation of participating in the social interactions of school and community, the faster time went for me.

And since the only time travel I was interested in was moving through time at a faster rate, this was all I needed.

I resigned myself to fine tuning the speed of my time-machine mind … and I’m going to leave my story there for today.

If you can’t wait for the next installment, well, you’ll need to time travel to Monday. I’ll meet you there.