Every September I start feeling regret.
I had watched so many people going through school so smoothly, so easily, and I kept falling behind.
I knew I wasn’t stupid. I could grasp ideas and concepts quicker than most others in my classes. But I could not keep my attention on lessons where the same thing was repeated long after I’d gotten it.
Then I’d miss the next part, because by then my mind had drifted out the window and down the road to whatever I imagined was just around the corner there.
I never knew
I didn’t realize I had a learning disability, an LD. It made no sense. It still doesn’t.
I’m quick to understand things that I’m interested in. I can learn things that grab my attention, pique my curiosity. But I can’t stay attentive to things that seem like a grey porridge of repetitive information with little distinction.
Another dichotomy …
As I’ve said, I’m quick to understand many things, and yet I never picked up on that old learning disability thing. In fact, even after my diagnosis of ADHD, the first time I heard someone say that it was a form of learning disability forcefully enough to make me realize they were talking about me, I was shocked.
I am still trying to reconcile the reality of having a fast brain that catches many things that others miss, but misses some of the most obvious things. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around having a mind that is developmentally delayed, and yet is clearly competent in so many ways.
And I am proud …
That’s true. If the only thing about having a delayed brain that cheers me up is the fact that it makes others question why we look down on people with developmental issues, then I am a happy person for that.
I am proud of the fact that, even though my brain is considered to be developmentally behind, I am still a person that others come to to get certain things done, and many of those things are things that require intelligence and cognitive abilities that aren’t found in everyone.
And do I owe ADHD for that?
I don’t know. I suspect that I do. Or at least I suspect that I owe my abilities to write and to edit others’ work to the same cerebral development that left me with ADHD.
So that’s my issue in a rather broad and superficial nutshell.
And the do over?
Yeah, that … I watched people surpass me in school, I watched them continue in their education long after I left the classrooms behind. And now, knowing what I do about my disability, I’d like to take another shot at that education thing.
But I think the do-over might be to late for me. I’d get out of school just in time to retire.
On the other hand, I’d at least have a vocation from which to retire ….