Wednesday, 26th, July

My day off …

So it’s Wednesday, and the week is only half over.

And it’s true that I work at so many different jobs that it’s impossible for me to take an entire day off.

And worse still, I work seven days a week, though it’s true that I only do a couple of things on the weekend, unless something comes up in one of my weekday jobs that needs my attention.

So I never really get a day off.

That’s horrible!

Yeah, it is. Oh, wait, no. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

In fact, the reason I do so many different jobs is that I love them all.

Really?

Well, there’s also the fact that I can’t get full time work doing these things I love, or at least I haven’t gotten it yet. And if I did, I’d have to give up some of them to do the one full time.

But it might be worth it if I didn’t have to worry as much about trying to make ends meet.

And the day off?

Well, that might be nice too, but I’m okay with doing things this way, ’cause I have a secret.

I can take a day off any time I want from the job that weighs heaviest on me. I just make a decision and go awol.

So which job is that?

Writing? Music? Handyman? Website maintenance? … nope. None of those. I don’t need to take time off from any of them.

I either get days off from them or the work is too enjoyable for me to need a break.

So ….?

The job that weighs on me most is the one I can’t help doing. It’s being self-critical. It’s catching my mind wandering and feeling like I’ve let the entire world down.

It’s finding at the end of the day that I’ve not done the one thing that was most important and going to bed depressed because I’ve screwed up.

Ah, that job.

Yep. The job of berating myself for not being normal. The one that takes up all my spare time. The task of belittling myself.

And that job? I hate that job. I’d give anything to not have to work there, in that head space.

And the day off?

Yeah, well, I don’t really ever get the day off from that.It pretty much happens all the time.

But there are days when I check that inbox for reasons to crush my own spirit and then say, “You know what? F*rget this!”

You tell em!

Yeah! I just say, “I’ve had enough of not being good enough. And furthermore, I am good enough.”

And I am. I’m good enough for this day. Good enough to be happy today. Good enough at what I do to be okay with me and my life.

And if you find that you’re needing a day off from this too, do it. Take the day off. I said you could.