Let’s go!

I’ve been going pretty fast these days. And I’m kind of pleased with myself about that.

I’ve been recognizing my ADHD moods even though I’ve been immersed in busyness.

See, I sometimes recognize those moods only after they’ve passed. And I think that happens only when I’m trying to go slow.

Why go slow?

I’ve thought that taking my time was an aspect of watching what I was doing and trying to not make the usual ADHD screw-ups that happen.

And in all honesty, that does work for much of the time.

How so?

If I stop what I’m doing, I can assess whether it’s the thing I’m supposed to be doing or not. If I go slow, I can decide at my leisure if I’m doing the right thing.

And that’s good. It’s part of coping. But lately, my question why!

Why what?

Let’s not get confusing here, my question is, “Why do I need to be going slow to make decisions about whether or not I’m doing the right thing at this time?”

And my answer is … I don’t know!

Not much of an answer, that …

Okay, my answer is that I think that I’ve practiced going slow enough that I can decide if I’m doing the right thing at higher speeds now.

Or, put another way, I think that I can go faster and not actually be out of control.

Is that possible?

We go fast because … well, I don’t know why we do that, but when we do it we do many things, jumping from one to another.

Maybe we go fast because we have so much to do if we aren’t being judicious about our tasks.

And now?

Whatever the reason, we’re used to going through life at a quickened pace. So what if we pay attention to what we’re doing, make informed decisions, and still go fast?

That’s what I’ve been trying to do lately, and I’ve been doing reasonably well at it. And I’ve discovered something interesting because of it.

What???

I’ve had the revelation that I’m actually being mindful. It’s not a natural mindfulness, I have to “check in” and that requires a habit that isn’t normal.

But the real discovery is that, when I “check in” to what I’m doing and how my day is going, I also become aware of my state of mind, my ADHD mood.

Scattered, right?

Yeah, sometimes it is. Yesterday I was kind of foggy. I got lots of things done that were important, and I didn’t miss much, but I knew I was in a bit of a daze.

I remember days when I’ve figured that out late at night in bed. Last night, I went for a power walk at the gym, and when that was done I recognized my mood as wired. You know the feeling. I was pumped up and ready to chatter.

How did I cope?

We went out with friends and I managed to keep my irrelevant observations down to a minimum, partly by focusing some of my attention on emails and status updates, and partly by being aware of my state of mind.

Anyway, what I’m saying is, practicing slowing down has helped me be more aware, even when I speed back up.

They say practice makes perfect, but the real deal is that practice makes better. And so, if I’m going to be a practicing ADHDer, I think I’ll just keep practicing it, but I’m trying to pay attention as I do that. And I think I’m getting good at it.