On Monday I talked about feeling guilty about my ADHD, and then I talked about how much I’ve progressed, and how much of the guilt has been set aside.
It’s still there, but I’ve realized that I don’t need to carry it with me. But as I thought about my ADHD, I thought I ought to find out how it impacted those around me, specifically in my household … so I asked her.
She had to think about whether my ADHD was something that was a burden or not, and then she enlightened me, and lightened the burden on me even more ….
“That’s what” ~ she
She said that she wasn’t really sure where the ADHD stopped and where I began. She told me she couldn’t separate the one from the other, me from my ADHD, what part was me and what part was the disorder in any situation.
And I realized that she was pointing out the obvious truth in this situation.
I am not ADHD!
That’s true. But ADHD is part of me. It is the disorder that has informed my development. It is part of the mold that I was poured in.
But I am me. And who I am cannot be changed. I grew up, and became this man, the man I am is who she has accepted into her life.
Not an excuse
When I say I have ADHD, I’m not making excuses. I’m explaining that the things I am working on making better or compensating for are understood, are reasonable for me to have to work on.
But working on myself is what I’m doing. And I’m happy with how that’s going.
Luckier than many
And that’s true too. I’m luckier than those who have lots to work on but cannot put their finger on what those things are or what has caused them.
And while we’re on the subject of truth, the truth is, feeling guilty about ADHD really does just makes it worse. Symptoms are exacerbated by stress, and guilt is just stress in a sports-car package, revved up and disguised as part of life’s traffic.
And why feel guilty?
Good question, why feel guilty about something I can’t change? If I could change from having ADHD, I wouldn’t be me.
And since there is someone who has accepted me, why would I aspire to being someone else?
And anyway …
I can’t fix ADHD and neither can anyone else. You might as well ask me to change the color of the sky.
So don’t dare say that I am ADHD, but don’t dare say that I can be separated from it, either. Me and ADHD? We’re like that! Inseparable.