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Surgery Available For Those Wanting ADHD (Spoof)

a brain in the hand ...
Warning: removal of brain for surgery not recommended …

Let’s face facts. We, are cool. We are the coolest!

In fact, we are the definition of cool.Look up cool in the dictionary and there’s likely a picture of a bunch of people with ADHD there.

Oh sure, we make mistakes, get distracted, forget where we left our keys, do things impulsively, we have our problems. I know it.

But hey, we do things impulsively, that’s not really a problem, is it? And the things we do impulsively are always fun.

And they are also often things that others would never have thought of.We are the people …

We are the adventurers. We are the ones that boldly go where no one has gone before. Never mind that where no one has gone before is maybe not the smartest place to go.

Sometimes it just looks like it isn’t the smartest place to go and we find out it wasn’t that bad at all.

What else?

We think of some of the funniest things to say. We are adventurous AND funny. … and fun, we’re fun.

And we often dress like we’re ready for Halloween. And what could be more fun than Halloween unless it’s Halloween when it’s not even October, right?

What can other people do

Ah, I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering what other people, say NT’s, Neuro-Typicals, what can they do to be as cool as us, to be this much fun?

I hear you. Having ADHD is a never ending dash from one fun thing to the next. From racing on the streets to climbing trees to doing feet to feet back flips on skate boards in downtown traffic.

What can the rest of the world do?

So it’s no wonder that the medical community has been researching this problem and has come up with a modified form of lobotomy that will allow NT’s to experience what we experience.

Basically the surgery involves turning off much of the subjects executive function, tampering with their short term memory turning up their sensory perception, heightening their sense of color and odour and touch and then making several random cuts in the neural circuitry of the brain, making communication from one part of the brain to another chancy and intermittent.

Volunteers may be needed soon

The procedure is only in the testing stages at this point. So don’t waste your time lining up for it. Though, if you like standing in lineups you’re a prime candidate for this revolutionary surgical intervention to create a whole new group of cool people.

Not everything is rosy though …

Recent trials have shown great promise, but it seems that there are still some bugs to iron out. For one thing, it turns out that newly created ADHDers are found to be sadly lacking in coping skills, something that growing up with the disorder arms you with.

Additionally, the surgery cannot be reversed. Like the disorder itself, which can not be remediated, the surgery is permanent.

What does that mean?

That means that, since people who opt for the surgery aren’t as cool as people with ADHD, and since the surgery isn’t reversible, it may be a long time before there will be willing volunteers.

Just as well, there’s enough of us cool people in the world with just us, right?

Surgery Available For Those Wanting ADHD (Spoof)

Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or more generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about having ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2016). Surgery Available For Those Wanting ADHD (Spoof). Psych Central. Retrieved on February 19, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2016/10/surgery-available-for-those-wanting-adhd-spoof/

 

Last updated: 19 Oct 2016
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Oct 2016
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.