I Have ADHD, I Can’t Say No
Please don’t ask me, I can’t say no. Well, I can, but it hurts.
I mean, it really hurts. I’m a retired contractor, retired as of three months ago.
I’ve spent that time working on my own house. And that’s helped me a lot. You see, when someone asked me to do something during that time, I could honestly say I was busy.
But it still hurts. I hate saying no. It feels like I’m letting people down, and I don’t deal with that well at all.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love being there for my family, love being there for good friends. I love when I can make things happen, make things right for people I love.
And this is ADHD?
I know, it doesn’t seem like a symptom. But maybe it is. It is true that the person with ADHD takes on more than they can do.
We volunteer for everything. We don’t succeed at those things, but we always think we will.
Why do we volunteer?
Partly our need for acceptance, which has been fuelled negatively by a great deal of rejection in life. And the perceived rejection is almost exclusively resultant from our symptoms. They are where we fail, and our rejections are the results.
So inside of many of us is a driving need to be successful at looking after things, something, anything.
And why do we fail?
Ah, the really easy question. We fail because we mismanage time. We fail because we misjudge time. We fail because we procrastinate. We fail because we get distracted.
We fail because we are convinced that yesterday’s symptoms were so obvious that we will have no trouble waking up today and putting them in their place, moving forward, doing it all, showing all the people who believe we cannot succeed that we cannot fail.
And yet, we still can’t say no …
That’s the truth of it. We can’t seem to, or at least we can’t seem to very often.
I like to think I’m getting better at it. Just last week I said no to helping someone out.
But yesterday I signed on to fix a door for an older former client because I just didn’t want to see her have to go shopping around for a new contractor for such a small job.
Besides, it will only take a few minutes.
You know, as soon as I get to it.
As long as nothing else there needs to be done.
I’m in trouble … aren’t I?
Babcock, K. (2016). I Have ADHD, I Can’t Say No. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 25, 2017, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2016/09/i-have-adhd-i-cant-say-no/