Today isn’t my best day. Today is Tuesday, July 21st. You’re reading this on Wednesday if you’re reading it fresh. Tuesday is my wedding anniversary. Or it would be if I weren’t a widower.
And Wednesday? (Today for you.) Wednesday is the anniversary of my wife’s passing. I’m writing this on Tuesday while knowing that it will be published on Wednesday and it’s hard to keep my focus on writing about ADHD with these things being part of the flavor of these days.
It’s interesting to note that, because of poor time management and poor time awareness, I have at least once discovered that these two anniversaries have slipped by unnoticed by me until they were in the past.
That’s not the best way to do this
When that happened, my first thought was that I must be moving on. But the guilt that accompanies surviving, and is normally felt at this time of the survivor’s year, was at least doubled by the perception of neglect on my part.
Luckily I knew that the neglect was nothing more than my ADHD mismanagement of dates and days. I still felt the guilt in my heart, but in my head I could explain it to myself and that did, to some extent, mitigate it. Advantage, ADHD Diagnosis.
Are there other emotional advantages?
Knowing that this is the kind of thing that can be on my mind all day and color every thought, I made myself start writing this post in the morning of the day before it was due. I was fairly certain that the topic would either cause me to focus intently, or distract me incessantly.
So far, I’ve been focused. But the lack of time pressure has been one less force to be dealt with in the fight to maintain control of my thought paths. And I chose to start early to avail myself of the positive effects of that very thing. Again, advantage, ADHD diagnosis.
And if that isn’t enough …
At the end of these two days, if I come out ahead I’ll call that a win. If I’m no worse off, if I break even, I’m going to call that a win also.
And if I’m suffering from the memories and feel like I’ve lost ground, I’m going to assume it could have been worse. Given the way people with ADHD are so self critical and tend to focus uncontrollably on negative things during times of stress, I’m going to go easy on myself, I’m going to call that a win too. Focusing on how bad things got while I was focusing on how bad things already were sounds like the kind of nightmare that should be avoided.
And knowing this potential in advance and doing my best to avoid it or at least mitigate it is once again, advantage, ADHD diagnosis.