My busy high speed life looks like it's going this fast.

My busy high speed life looks like it’s going this fast.

Do I take on more things than I should? Of course I do. I have ADHD.

Do I plan things out in advance? Of course I don’t. I have ADHD.

Do I reconsider my commitments, and make my fond excuses to others when it becomes clear that I can’t follow through on all the things I’ve committed to? Of course I don’t. I have … wait, haven’t I told you this already?

What’s up?

I am currently editing a web site’s “About” page. I’m also editing another web site’s ongoing pages for upcoming events and creating and editing the posters for those events. Additionally I’m writing lyrics, and working sometimes on a novel of fiction. I’m getting ready to present one of my songs at a local, monthly music and spoken word show that I’m sure I’ve mentioned before.

I’m also looking for work, taking on contractor jobs, and reflooring my own bathroom. When I get the toilet reinstalled it will be quite a relief … pun intended.

And so far I’ve managed to keep up with a hectic social schedule as well.

But how long can it last?

Sooner or later I’ll drop the ball. But I’ll not do it in a calculated way, prioritizing my commitments and letting those with a low priority fall off the tailgate.

No. One will be let go because I’ll lose it in the shuffle. It won’t be a choice, it will be an accident.

And that won’t be a clue that I was overloaded, or even if it is, I’ll just try to commit further to the jobs that are left. I’ll not want to let anything else go. It’s my self esteem at stake now.

So I’ll bury myself in it even further and enforce an obliviousness in order to supposedly concentrate on what needs to be done.

If I’m lucky, I won’t take on more commitments, but I will have a hard time turning down important things when I’m struggling to get seemingly unimportant things done, just to redeem and/or maintain my self esteem and self respect.

What am I going to do about this?

I’m going to accept that this is what I do. I’m going to consider that I’m getting better at keeping all the balls in the air. And I’m going to remind myself that, the better I get at this, the more commitments I take on and that I’m never going to change.

I’m a busy, busy, busy ADHD boy and I have things to do, and I can’t slow down just because I take on too much.