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Why Do Fools And ADHDers Fall In Love?


"Tatz" by Andrée
“Tatz” by Andrée

“Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread.” A well known sentiment, and there is truth in it. And that old song “Why do fools fall in love?” is only referring to the person as a fool because they fall in love without thinking it through.

The truth is, though, that falling is called “falling” because, like dealing with gravity, you don’t get much of a choice in the matter. Things attract you and hormones get released. It doesn’t take the human mind long to figure out that those hormones are at their peak when the person who causes their release shows up or is thought of.

Do ADHDers fall more easily?

It seems that maybe we do. We have a higher percentage of unwanted or accidental pregnancy. That speaks to some sort of difference in our relationships, though admittedly it may not mean that we fall more easily, perhaps just farther and faster, and without precaution.

Speaking from personal experience, I think that we also have more relationships, shorter ones, more intense ones.

We also sweep people off their feet with our intense emotions. We need the immediate gratification of succeeding at the relationship, so we justify moving forward way too fast. We convince ourselves and our partners that this is absolutely the real thing, and there is no reason to wait and see how it goes.

We love and we love hard

What makes us this way? I can’t answer you with any certainty, but I can tell you a few possibilities that have come up in conversations and thoughts.

One of my thoughts is that, given that we are pretty empathetic, we tend to fall for people who we detect are already attracted to us. I thought it might be because that makes the success of the relationship seem more likely, but there is also the idea that the other person’s appreciation may bolster our flagging self esteem.

But my good friend Lalage Hunter, an Adult ADHD Coach explains it this way: “ [It’s] because being made to feel attractive and interesting brings out the best in us. So we enjoy and appreciate ourselves more when we are around them. I think we fall in love with how people make us feel about ourselves.” Ms. Hunter is pretty sharp about most things ADHD. She’s not just one of our coaches, she’s also one of us.

She is, however, quick to point out that “ […] it isn’t the whole story. And isn’t an ADHD issue, N-T’s have the same complex unconscious reasons for falling in love too.”

I agreed. But, I still believe we have that empathy thing going on. And I think that may be why we are more likely to fall. And there’s always the chance that this next relationship could be the one.

So the answer to the question: “Why do fools fall in love?” … well, I’d have to say it’s “They just want to be with us.”

And who could blame them.

Why Do Fools And ADHDers Fall In Love?


Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live on the traditional lands of the Chippewas of Nawash in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or 7 generations and my First Nations friend's families go back hundreds of generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I am a freelance writer and I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about living with ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2014). Why Do Fools And ADHDers Fall In Love?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2014/03/why-do-fools-and-adhders-fall-in-love/

 

Last updated: 6 Mar 2014
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.