Pondering the Conundrums

Pondering the Conundrums
Pondering ©2013 Elaine Doy

There are some things I don’t understand about ADHD. I’ve mentioned that before. There are oxymorons, hyper-oxymorons, dichotomies and conflicts.

There are parts of this so called disorder that would seem to be limitations and then there are parts of it that are clearly abilities without limitations. The rapid cycling of thoughts that flow unrestricted comes to mind here.

What’s not to understand?

Well, is ADHD a gift or a curse? Is hyperfocus a blessing or a problem? Is being easily distracted a survival skill or a weakness? Is procrastination … well, procrastination is just a plain disappointment, let’s leave it for another time.

All these things and more

Why can I solve one-of-a-kind complex problems at lightning speed but can’t figure out how to solve the problem of doing my dishes with regularity. (More on that one on Friday.)

And here’s another one

How is it that my mind goes a million miles an hour, I can see a million different things to include in a conversation, but I completely miss the look of horror on the faces of those I’m talking to when I say the wrong thing … five different ways …. and then go into details?

Let’s look at that, shall we?

I have my own theory about this. At least I think I know why I do this, it might not be the same for you. You might not do this at all.

I spend a great deal of my time alone and engaged in what I call rehearsal and replay.

Rehearsal is where I go over potential conversations I may have and replay is where I again go over conversations I’ve had and try to see where I might have done better.

I’m so used to rehearsal and replay, or R & R, that I think I go into that mode when I’m actually engaged in real conversations.

The great part about that is that it makes me very comfortable. The bad part is, it can make me too comfortable. During rehearsal and replay, I can say anything I want. I get to take it back. It hasn’t been heard. No harm, no foul. If I’m in R & R mode in a conversation in real life (or IRL as the kids say), I may say something I’m going to regret.

Sorry ….

This leaves my apologizing, if I’m lucky enough to have reasoned out that I’ve messed up, or if I’m at least lucky enough to have someone tug on my sleeve and inform me of same.

And this leaves me with another problem, do I have to apologize because of my ADHD, or because I’m Canadian? Or does that just mean that it’s twice as bad for me? Oh well, sorry.