My struggles with time are legendary. I don’t see it the way others see it. I think of it as a dimension, but a dimension that I don’t have the tools to measure or estimate.
For those of us with ADHD, these shortcomings are the things that lead to our being considered poor at time management. And we have no proof that we’re not.
I tend to over assume how much time I need to execute any given task, while at the same time I over estimate the amount of time that fills the void between “now” and the point at which the thing in question needs to be done by.
This leads me to think that the job that needs doing is huge but that there is lots of time yet in which to do said job.
You’d think that would even out …
Oddly enough, the idea that the job will require massive amounts of time leaves me overwhelmed.
And at the same time, while I labour under the misconception of the vast amount of time remaining, I’m fairly certain that the only reason it seems like there is a massive quantity of time between “now” and the time that a job needs to be done, is because the time that the job needs to be done is not “now,” or as some of us sometimes say, “not now.”
I’m almost, but not quite, absolutely positive that if I were to look at a watch or calendar with the idea of determining the amount of time available and then putting that amount into numbers so that I can say “Oh, right, there’s ‘X’ amount of time still left … ” that I would be sick with the realization that there is nowhere near enough time left to accomplish the job still at hand.
Eeek! Best not to check
The only thing that keeps me from pulling my hair out by the roots and running around in a pirate costume screaming that I am the reincarnation of Dr. Doolittle, is, in fact, the fact that I’m equally certain that in this instance, like most instances, I have overestimated the amount of time I will require to complete the job.
Time never stands still (you just never see it moving)
But at some point time will creep up on me, like I’d managed to get away from it for a little bit, by ignoring it, and I will realize that, although the time that the job needs to be finished for is still “not now,” it has moved into a different part of “not now,” the part known as “the foreseeable future.”
“The foreseeable future” is waaaay to close for comfort. Luckily it is so close that I won’t suffer for long. There isn’t enough time left between “now” and “the foreseeable future” for adequate worrying about how I’ll ever get things done on time. There’s only enough time to get to work and make like I’m the busiest, hardest working guy around.
And so I do
And the job gets done. Maybe it could have been done better. Maybe I had just enough time to do the perfect job. Maybe I got it done perfectly well in half the time that was left for me to do it in and I spent the other half of the time beating myself up over all that worrying.
None of that matters
But none of that is important, because there, right in front of me, is the next task. And it needs to be done on the 32nd of something-or-other. And, while I could check my watch or a calendar and put a number to the amount of time I have, I’m pretty sure it’s a huge job, and I’m equally sure there is a lot of time between “now” and “not now.”
When will I learn?
It’s not likely that I’ll learn my lesson in “the foreseeable future.” And what do I do about that? Well, I tell you, eventually, I’ll have had enough of time, and it will be the death of me. But of course, that’s “not now.”