You may have noticed that my first two posts last week were a bit depressing. I seem to be taking a swing through that area of my life again. So I’m apologizing, I’m asking your forgiveness if that is affecting you in any negative way.
Your forgiveness would help, and don’t think I wouldn’t appreciate it, but the truth is that the forgiveness I need would seem to be my own. I’m pretty hard on myself at times.
I can’t tell you why …
I don’t know why I’m like that. Learned behavior maybe? Is it taught by those I interact with, or learned from past experience? I don’t know.
I do know that I can forgive myself, but I have to think through what I’m upset with myself for first.
And those things are piling up
It’s starting to look like I could be spending the rest of my life forgiving myself. I know I can do that, but by the time I’m done, there may be more things on the pile that require my benevolence. I’ve already forgiven myself for lots of things, but how much longer will it take?
It’s nice to know that I can forgive myself. I mean, really, whether I do or don’t forgive myself won’t change the world, but it will make a difference to me. A calmer, less self-judgmental person living inside my head would be a great benefit to my life.
Wednesdays post is full of woe … (sorry, Mother Goose)
On Wednesday I wrote a post about self doubt and how that can make it harder for us to succeed. I still know that to be true, but it isn’t the only thing that can hold us back. Being actively critical of ourselves won’t help either, it will hinder … greatly.
And we’ve been critical, we’ve said some nasty things to ourselves. Well, I’ve said some nasty things to myself at least. And they’ve been about things I’ve done or didn’t do or should have done …
Time is on no one’s side
… we can either learn from the past or dwell in it. I’m hoping to learn, dwelling in the past is standing still.
But time passes. And we can either learn from the past or dwell in it. I’m hoping to learn, dwelling in the past is standing still. And I have no desire to stand still.
From now on, when I treat myself to something nice, I’m leaving the thoughts of being undeserving behind. And when I deny myself something good for any plausible reason, I’m going to be proud of my resolve rather than upset.
I’ll be keeping an eye on myself …
What if I catch myself being hard on me again? Well, I don’t know what to do about that, I can’t really punish myself, it’s not in keeping with the spirit of the whole forgiveness thing is it. I guess I’ll have to let it go.