Scattered Thoughts That Lead Back To My Back
Some of you will remember that I hurt my back about three weeks ago. I’m not sure if I shared the diagnostic verdict with you or not, but here it is. I tore a muscle, slipped a disc, and caused a nerve to be pinched.
The disc, I assume, has righted itself, and subsequently the nerve it was pinching is no longer making my leg feel skewered with red hot rods of steel.
The torn muscle is not subsiding with as much grace. It has had a taste of attention and has decided it likes it.
Healing oneself …
I have to stay still in order to heal, but I’ve healed enough that I can now move around. The problem is that while I can walk and climb stairs & ladders, I still can’t sit down or stand up without pain. And I can’t pick things up.
Today I discovered that I can balance my motorcycle without any pain. But heaven help me if it goes over on me, I won’t be able to pick it up.
Caught between a rocker and a soft place
As I said above, I still can’t sit, but ironically, I can’t sit still. There’s a conundrum. Actually, once seated I’m all right, it’s the movements involved in achieving a seated position or standing back up again that cause me pain.
And there are things that need doing
So, being the guy I am, I’m having a hard time ignoring my impulses and just staying still. I want to get better, but I also want to be better … right NOW!
I have tried, on several occasions, to stick to decisions made in the cold harsh light of pain. I’ve reduced my activity to less than half. Still, when confronted with something I want to do, it’s very easy to say “I’ll just do this one thing and then I’ll rest.” which would probably be just fine … if I actually rested. Ooops.
So how does ADHD play a role in keeping me from healing?
I can’t sit still long enough to heal. Go ahead and kill me with physical pain, just don’t kill me by making me do nothing, don’t kill me with boredom. I know, they say boredom won’t kill you, but why take the chance?
Just relax and rest …
I see things that need doing or that I’d like to do, and I impulsively do them. To some extent, my priorities are an issue, what’s more important, getting better, or getting things done? And I’m not thinking long term priority, I’m thinking right now. I’m thinking what’s more important right now.
That makes it harder. I’m not thinking about washing the truck, or cutting the grass, things that are clearly “jobs” or “chores.” No, I’m thinking about changing the propane tank on the Barbecue, hanging out my laundry instead of using the dryer, “tasks.”
So where does ADHD come in to all of this?
So what parts of ADHD are keeping me unwell? To some extent, all of them. Being a person with ADHD means living with issues. You know, being impulsive, being unable to prioritize, needing instant gratification, being hyperactive.
And none of those things are good for a bad back. But I am getting better, a little bit at a time.
Babcock, K. (2013). Scattered Thoughts That Lead Back To My Back. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 18, 2017, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2013/07/scattered-thoughts-that-lead-back-to-my-back/