Just sayin' ...

Just sayin’ …

Today is Tuesday. I often wonder what good Tuesdays are. They’re certainly among the blandest of days. Often banal, rarely exciting.

And for someone with ADHD, it is pure poison to experience banality.

They say that boredom never killed anyone, and I say that may be right, but why take a chance. I propose a ban on Tuesdays.

But being bored on a Tuesday isn’t what I’m writing about. I’m writing about having one of those days where the minutes seem to turn into hours right before my eyes and I spend the day wandering, mentally and physically, through the day with many things thought of, some things started, and nothing finished.

And at the end of the day, nothing to show for it and I’m holding my hands, palms open, up in the air, asking with a shrug of my shoulders β€œWhere the heck did that day go???”

It’s like drifting in and out of a state of semi-consciousness, and wondering each time I come to, what happened.

For example, it’s 3:25 PM, my back is still bad so I’m still not back to work, and I’ve spent all day trying to come up with a topic for this blog post.

It isn’t that I’m procrastinating, I never do that if I can think of something else to do. And it isn’t that I have writers block, I’ve never let that stand in my way. I’ve written pages of stuff when I couldn’t think of a thing to write … and I’m sure it often shows.

Nope, it’s that my mind won’t focus

I finally decided to write about not being able to come up with something to write about. It was more a way of not having to come up with something to write about than as an actual decision on what to write about. If you guessed what I was going to write about already than you’d be right about that.

So what is it like to have one of these ADHD days?

This fugue state is so grey and mono textured that it’s hard to describe. I suspect I don’t need to, I’m guessing that you already know what I’m talking about, unless you’re reading this on one of those days.

But I’ll try to describe it anyway. These days are, to me, like I’m writing down every thought I have on grey paper with a grey pencil. They feel like I’m trying to fill a sieve with water or like I’m trying to find the free end of a loop of string. It’s like I’m trying to find the parking lot exit at the mall, only to discover a day later that I’m on the second floor.

… okay, maybe not that bad, but it is an issue for me, I don’t know when these days are going to happen or even how often.

So what causes them?

I wish I knew. Maybe the heat is doing it, partly. Yet I’m not usually bothered by heat. Maybe it’s not enough protein in my diet. I don’t think that’s it, but that wouldn’t help. Gotta have my protein for breakfast or I’m very weak by noon. But these days start out wrong from the moment I struggle to wake up.

Maybe it’s a combination of things. That could explain a lot, like why it’s hard to pin down the cause, and why it occurs seemingly randomly.

Or maybe

… just maybe, it is caused by Tuesdays. Hey, it could be …