There are days when ADHD gets on my nerves. I struggle sometimes to accomplish the least of my tasks. I make resolutions to succeed. I turn up my focus, way up, way past ten on a dial that only goes to six. And then I direct it at the task at hand.
Zooming in on the first isolated detail of that task I determine what is needed to accomplish that.
Often, that involves locating something, or relocating the task to somewhere. This becomes the new primary task. So I zoom my focus in closer and determine what is needed to accomplish that.
This often involves moving things that are in the way. And why move something when it could easily be put away. Or was it something I was looking for for some other task? Should I take it to the scene of the other endeavor so I’ll know where it is? If I do, it is often only an idea that it might be the right tool or item needed, so I’ll try it out on the new task, or is it the old task, to see if it should or shouldn’t be left there.
Is the new/old task more important than the first task? What I’m choosing to do is weighted by my current interests and the fact that I abhor transitioning (especially back to a previous job).
Priorities are important to have, but my mind tells me they must be flexible.
Sadly, beyond knowing those two things, priorities are a mystery to me. What makes one task or chore more important than another? I’m not sure.
Okay, if the house is on fire, I know that’s important, but when I’m faced with two tasks, neither one of which is emergent in nature, I can rarely make a decision that isn’t based, in the end, on what I’d rather do.
That means that the task I’d rather not do is going to be set aside or postponed often, possibly indefinitely.
So what’s the answer?
I wish I knew. Being more mindful, I suppose, would help. But that’s not really a skill or ability I’m able to claim. I’m not mindless, just not usually very present.
And here’s another mystery …
At work, I know what has to be done, and I do it. Whether it’s something I enjoy or not, if it’s the next thing that needs to be done, I do it. I’ve heard myself say “Just gotta get this done and move on to the next thing.”
Okay, it’s not that big a mystery. I don’t have any other projects on the go. I don’t start other projects … unless I’m told to.
But outside of work, in the rest of my life, ADHD gets in the way.