An ADHD Day
©2013 Kelly Babcock
Vague moons and hazy sunsets
Seem the emblems of my life,
Angst builds up with duties shirked,
With dodging grief and strife,
Have you ever sat down at a desk, intent on writing a poem, your purpose in doing so simply to prove yourself capable? I write a lot of things, blog posts, songs, poems, chapters of unfinished books (don’t ask), Facebook and Twitter status updates, bios for artistic people, I’ll write just about anything.
But to sit down at a blank page and write a poem because I want to have a poem in my hand when I’m done is not so easy. It’s not seeking out a pen and paper because I have an inspiration, it’s seeking out an inspiration because I have a pen and paper.
And in my mind a thousand thoughts
Come begging me to notice,
And every one is brilliant,
And they all demand my focus,
But you know, it never takes long before my mind will churn up some kind of muse. Poetry is often the act of putting emotion into clear context in the fewest possible words.
Emotion is something I have scads of, as do many ADHDers I know. There is something that makes feelings seem more pertinent than concepts for me.
And of course I can focus on this sort of thing? I think it likely that the challenge of stating emotion clearly and in the fewest words is a task worthy of focus for many of us.
And when my day is done and spent,
And I am in my bed,
The million things that I forgot
Come whirling through my head,
But the blank page can be an issue at times. I was faced with it the other day when I was challenged to write a poem for UNESCO World Poetry Day. It is amazing how hard it is to focus on something as vague as the the task defined as “write a poem.” And yet, that vagueness, that lack of focus, allows my mind to wander off, and ADHD minds being what they are, it isn’t long before mine comes wandering back with some frivolous idea and says “What about this?”
My first reaction, borne of years of having my thoughts and actions discredited, is “No!” But, it’s a new era for me. With training and awareness, comes the starch I need to say “Wait a minute, what was that?” And so many times in recent months, my third thought has been “Yeah! Why not this?”
So things have not become easier in my life, but life has become a little bit better. It started with someone accepting my creative abilities, me. And it’s progressed to the point where I am sharing my creative abilities with others now.
And the best part is that I’m sharing, not because I’m looking for approval, but because I can take disapproval. And now others are accepting those creative abilities. They may or may not like my work, but they accept that I am creative. It would be nice if they liked it all, but I’m happy it’s being considered.
And so as I descend into
A tossed and turmoiled sleep,
I let my soul and spirit play
And leave my eyes to weep.