“I don’t believe it. It can’t be real. It’s a hoax perpetrated by Big Industry to sell more generators.”

It's just the end of the world ...

It’s just the end of the world …

Ah yes, the words I used to described the millennium scare. You remember the millennium? All computers were going to rise up and punish woman and mankind for having left them insufficient space to keep track dates.

I spent that evening with family. It wasn’t so I’d be with them at the end. That’s what we did every year. I took my guitar and played into the night in celebration of … my father in law’s birthday. He was born late on the evening of December 31st, or early on January 1st, no one was sure which.

Comes the rapture …

The rapture was not much different except that I had nowhere to go that evening. Didn’t matter, I was sure I’d have to get up the next morning and work. And I was right.

Pick a good date

But what’s up with ending the world on the 21st? Wouldn’t today have been a far more auspicious date? 12-12-12 seems like the perfect date to convince the world it will end on. Someone really dropped the ball there.

Give me a minute, if you can spare it …

I doubt the world will be ending anytime soon. But if I’m wrong, I give you permission to scold me afterwards.

I doubt the world will be ending anytime soon. But if I’m wrong, I give you permission to scold me afterwards. Please wait til the actual end of the world has occurred though, so that you have absolute, incontrovertible proof and can avoid any embarrassment for yourself. Nothing worse than having to say “Oh, we’re all still here, sorry about that lecture-ous diatribe … heh heh. As you were.”

Off track, but still in time to help

But, I do in fact have some pointers for those of you who, like me, have ADHD and are wondering how to prepare for the coming of the possible end of all life as we know it. Interested? Read on:

  1. If the world is going to end, do you really want to pay your bills? Understand, I’m not saying do or don’t pay them, I’m just asking which you’d be more comfortable with.
  2. Are you happy with the way your life has turned out thus far? If not, you have nine days to do something about it, maybe.
  3. If the world does end in nine days, the people suffering from Delusions of Normalcy will be equal to those of us in the ADHD culture. Be nice to them for the next week and a half, okay?
  4. If this isn’t the end of the world, this could be your opportunity to come up with the next “Rapture” or “End Of The World” scenario.
  5. With any luck at all, you’ll forget your appointment with destiny the same way you forgot your appointment with dentistry. With the world ending and all, ignorance is probably bliss.
  6. If you’re fearing the possibility that the end is near, consider instead, that the Mayan calendar maker may have been one of us. This whole calendar thing might be one more unfinished ADHD project. That’s gotta give you some hope.
  7. Go ahead and buy the day old doughnuts, if it’s all going to end anyway, you needn’t worry about putting on weight. If it doesn’t end, you’ve got the rest of your life to exercise the excess calories off.
  8. I wouldn’t buy any new life insurance if I was you … ’til the 22nd.
  9. If it turns out that the Mayan calendar ended on the 21st for no other reason than the calendar makers went on strike and their labour issues were never resolved, look on the bright side, the days are now getting longer.

So, there you go, my suggestions for the rest of your life, whether it’s soon over or whether you have to see it through to its natural end. And I do think it’s likely that we’ll all be here on the 22nd. We have quite a mess to clean up, I don’t think we’ll get off that easy, with the world as we know it just ending. Nope, not us.