It's hard to go to work ...

It’s hard to go to work when you’re surrounded by warm people and great beauty so early in the morning …

I’m off to work. Nope, not off to work after my holidays are done, I’m off to work this morning because the job still isn’t done. But I’ve struck a compromise with my holiday companion and with my boss. And I’ve struck one with myself also.

I’m only working a half day today, and I only worked a half day yesterday, too. I think that’s going to help on all fronts. The boss agreed to it readily and took the afternoon off himself yesterday. He had some things he wanted to take care of anyway.

The job is insulating a crawl space under a rather large cottage. It involves working on all fours with our heads bent up to see the walls we’re working on. We also need to see where we’re going. And I personally need to see the damned joists and stringers that seem to have been positioned just where my head wants to go whenever I’m not looking.

Is it just hitting my head a lot?

And I have a headache. I’ve had it every day this week so far. I’m not sure if it’s the acoustical caulking, the construction adhesive, the dust in my lungs from the bats of insulation, the smell of the Styrofoam when I cut it, or the mould and mildew in the space I’m working in. It could also be trying to draw breath through my particulate filter mask, or the position I’m working in … or whacking my head against the superstructure of the cottage.

But meanwhile, what are the compromises?

The first was with my boss. The agreement to work half days was perfect. I think that I may be too old for this one particular job. Nah, I’m not, I’ll get over whatever pain I’m in eventually, but it would be nice if I wasn’t in so much pain that I’m useless when I get back to the cabin.

And the second compromise is with my friend. She came for a vacation and I’ve worked through it. I had promised fishing and music and many other things and I’ve worked through it. True, I was supposed to be working when we first booked this, but when we ran out of work I started making promises. So the half days is a compromise with her also. Half my day to the job, half my day to my vacation.

And as a bonus, I’m not so exhausted in the evening that I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. That’s a pretty good compromise, right?

And the last compromise is with myself. Sure my time management skills are bad, and I’m not going to forget that. But my boss does not have ADHD. He estimated the job and figured a week. I’ll be back here on Monday morning hoping to finish this up with him, but I think, by the way it’s been going, that we will be lucky to be done by Tuesday.

If the boss can make time management mistakes, and in fact made this one, why am I beating myself up?

Here’s the deal

I’m letting myself off the hook here. I work for a living, and this is my job. I made promises, but I made mistakes. And mine weren’t the only errors in judgment. No one else is berating me over this, it’s all me, and I’ve decided to get off my back.

Having ADHD means I’m always dissatisfied with myself. That has to affect the way others perceive me, the way that others interact with me. I think the job will go faster, and the holiday will be more fun for all concerned, if I just ease up on myself a little.

Hmm ...

Hmm …

A bonus revelation …

The empty sealer jar with the lid had a purpose after all. I had brought it to mix pancake batter, I just forgot. Luckily, the box of pancake batter reminded me. What would a vacation in a cabin by the lake be without pancakes?