The all new MyPhone ... actually, it's 10 months old

I’m not bragging about my cell phone, I didn’t make the thing. I’m not responsible for its actions, its abilities or its limitations. It’s a fairly good phone, but it is just a phone.

Okay, apparently it’s a smart phone. I have, however, seen evidence to the contrary, so I’m not agreeing with that. I don’t think its any less intelligent than any other phone, but it certainly isn’t all that smart.

Speaking of other cell phones …

A friend of mine hooked up her cell phone to a bluetooth hands free car speaker phone system. After setting everything up she tried to call her son. “Call Drew!” she said confidently to the gizmo.

“Calling Air Ireland.” was the reply. She hung it up. She decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and placed her request again, and again she heard the response “Calling Air Ireland.”

After several attempts she asked her friends on facebook what to do. I suggested she change the boys name to Air Ireland.

But what about my phone?

My phone keeps launching itself out onto the internet, without my permission or need. One of its favorite tricks is to use its GPS to determine where it is and then look up huge map files so that it can admire how far it has travelled. I think this is just a ruse to hide from me the fact that it’s planing a trip. I wonder when it’s going to tell me? I wonder if I’ll even be allowed to go.

I wouldn’t mind so much, after all, why would a smart phone want an ADHDer along, but I do pay the bills, often on time. Stop laughing, I do …

What else does it do?

It does other things that annoy me. For instance, it’s always on facebook. It hasn’t updated my status yet, but I know it’s just waiting for an opportunity. It browses the web at will. How do I know? I turn off the browser when I shut down the maps & GPS and exit from the email app (it loves to read my mail) Then I’ll start something on the phone and when I’m done with that app and go to shut it down, my browser is running again, and the maps & GPS also.

Even my email is running again. I swear, my phone has a far more active social life than I do.

Okay, I do know some things …

There are a few things about my phone that I’m pretty smart about. I don’t buy cards, instead, I have a contract. This means that I can’t let banked minutes expire, and I know that’s what I’d do. This way my phone will always work when I need to call the auto-club to unlock my car so I can check to see if my keys are in the back trunk or in the glove box (since they’re not in my fridge). Of course this is only helpful if I haven’t locked my phone in the car.

There is one little problem with my contract, I get to choose ten numbers that I can call anytime for free. And I’ve done that. I can look at the list on my phone anytime. The numbers are right there, but there are no names listed (they didn’t want to make it that easy). So, being so very organized, I too it upon myself to make a written list of these people. The problem is, there is a number there in the list that I can’t identify. It’s not in my phone’s contact list, not in my old paper address book, not on my computer anywhere. It’s a mystery.

And I’m afraid to call it. What if it’s an old girlfriend, a boss I didn’t like, someone I promised to do something for and forgot about? It’s too much for me to handle right now.

Maybe next week I’ll call the number and ask who I’m speaking to. There are times when I truly wish I still drank, I could use that kind of stupid courage right about then.