Is it possible that putting more than one ADHDer in the same place might be counterproductive?
About a month ago I attended an ADDiva Webinar. I got into a private chat with another attendee who knows me. The fact that I am a divo and not a diva is not obvious at these webinars, but some of the participants know that I’m a guy and I don’t hide the fact.
These webinars are available for replay. Thank heaven for that.
The private chat was not on topic, in fact it was like an excerpt from a burlesque comedy routine. Much of it was centered around my gender, a naughty conversation about me being found out.
There is a retreat that happens once a year and I was being dared to attend. I started making unreasonable requests, like needing to share a semi-private room with the woman I was chatting with, I couldn’t afford a private one. I also asked if bathing suits were still optional in the hot tub (she had attended the previous years retreat).
The next day I found I had learned nothing from the previous evenings seminar. I logged back on to listen to the replay. I found out what I needed to know, but while listening I was again sidetracked into memories of the private chat from the night before. I had to “rewind” several times.
Just a big tease
My friend and I are quite comfortable teasing each other. We’ve never met face to face, but, as is so often the case with ADHDers, we find that we are able to read each others feelings, if not each others thoughts. I’m well aware that the teasing would continue if we ever met, and that’s all it would be, teasing.
What’s in it for me?
It’s a giving sort of relationship. ADHDers get enough criticism, so it’s fun to be spontaneously “bad” with someone who only wants you to feel happy for the moment. And to return that gift is even more fulfilling. Every time I said something to tease my friend and make her laugh, I felt a bit better myself.
Meanwhile, back at the replay …
I was nearly done listening to the replay. And the end of the article I was working on was in sight.
… and I could see something else …
The webinar was an excellent source of information on the topic in question. In fact, it’s topic had inspired the article.
I was suddenly reminded that we ADHDers are social beings without social graces.
But the side chat was something I had needed also. I was suddenly reminded that we ADHDers are social beings without social graces. In a herd of ADHDers, we find comfort and acceptance, acceptance we don’t get out in the norman world. We can say things to each other that we can’t get away with in “public.” We can be “naughty” and still be thought of as nice by our peers. And those peers are as important as the normans in our world. They provide us with grounding.
It’s not all bad …
To be fair, there are some normans who get us. There are some who even understand us, or at least accept us for the spontaneous and fun loving people we are. The ones who get us and understand us are a salving balm in an abrasive world, and the ones who accept us without understanding are also jewels. But falling in with one of our own is a liberating thing.
To every thing there is a season
Obviously, I can’t get my work done when that happens, I’m bound to fail if I can’t concentrate. I finished my work the next day, but what I needed the night before wasn’t information, what I needed was to laugh with an accepting friend.
And I did. Thank you, my friend … you naughty thing you …