49 thoughts on “Why Drug Addicts Will Always Choose Drugs Over Love

  • May 20, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    So glad to read this. Dealing with an addict takes place in intimate moments, often in our personal spaces at home, in bed-I think this is what can make it so hard to see that, as Dr. Sack points out, it’s not about us.

    Reply
    • January 12, 2019 at 11:53 pm

      No pun intended?

      Reply
  • May 20, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    The statements made in this paper are so true. And you ask what makes me believe this? I’M IN RECOVERY, and have been for almost 3yrs. Just a baby in recovery years, However I’ve been the person they talk about. Also I’ve got a sister and brother that are active addicts!! DO I BELIEVE THEY DON’T LOVE ME BECAUSE THEY WILL LIE TO ME,STEAL FROM ME AND TRY TO MANIPULATE ME AT EVERY TURN? I BELIEVE THEY LOVE ME AS MUCH AS ANY ADDICT IC ABLE TO.HOWEVER THERE IS NO LOVE STRONGER TO AN ADDICT THEN THE LOVE OF THEIR DRUG. The mental and phycical need is so overwemlimg that it controls and overides every other need there is. FOOD, WATER,SHELTER. The only person whom can have an addict get help is the addict themself! ENOUGH FINEALLY HAS TO BECOME ENOUGH! As FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES AN ADDICT CONTINUE TO LOVE JUST DO NOT ENABLE THEM! IF YOU DO THEY MOST LIKLY WILL DIE BEING A ADDICT!! THERE WILL BE NO REASON TO STOP!!

    Reply
  • May 21, 2014 at 5:17 am

    I understand the need for a dramatic title, but really, would it hurt to add “active”? Plenty of drug addicts in recovery will choose love over drugs. Speaking accurately is crucial to combat stigma and the spread of misinformation. Thanks.

    Reply
    • July 8, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      My opinion is it depends on how one defines “addict”. If an addict no longer has the power of choice or control over when and how much he or she uses, then I don’t see how it’s possible for this “hopeless” variety to “chose” love over the drug. The question is: Has the balance of power shifted from the person to the drug and vice versa? There are addicts you you’ve seen, surely, who regardless of how hard they try can’t stop and need something external to put them somewhere away from the drug. How can someone like that chose love over their drug?

      Reply
  • May 21, 2014 at 11:51 am

    As long as people think that an addict has a choice…they will take it personally. And the more people scream ‘choose’ in an addicts face, the more they’ll use or drink.
    The article does a good job of trying to help readers understand that innate nature of addiction. What it doesn’t do is explain WHY the need for the drug is/seems greater to the addict than love/relationship. Addicts are addicts for a reason. Sometimes a host of reasons. All of which taught them, engrained in them and wired them with the belief that love isn’t SAFE. At some point (probably really early) relationships failed them, hurt them. Likely the key relationships that mattered most. The people they were supposed to be able to trust most, didn’t come through, or abused, or sent opposing messages. Regardless…not only is an addict using to escape or drown pain and fill a need, they are using a chemical because chemicals won’t shame you, hate you, judge you, reject you, criticize you, threaten you, abandon you, resent you, etc et. Yes, we all know that ultimately the substance turns on an addict and THAT is where choice ceases to exist. But emotionally, whatever the substance is doing to their body seems safer to them than facing all of their worst nightmares (which they may truly constitutionally be psychologically unable to endure)…and the uncertainty of what may happen to them and all of their relationships in the process. It’s survival 201…which shows us that sometimes ‘survival’ means choosing the slower onset of death, instead of being flooded and washed away quickly…to be gone forever. Addiction is a slow death. Life without the addictive substance? Well that could end me tomorrow. And yes….addicts do know, when the people around them have thought in their minds that the latter would probably be better.

    Reply
    • July 8, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      So your reasoning is people continue to use a substance because it gives them a feeling that people close to them in their early years didn’t give them? Do I understand that correctly? I think it’s over simplification to say that an addict “will use or drink” when people yell “choose” in their faces. As if it’s a simple cause –> effect.
      What do you think about the hypothesis that people use psychoactive substances for the good feeling? Then continue to use because they want more of it more often. So far so good? Some researchers say we are all born with a threshold for addiction to various substances. I believe that.

      Reply
    • June 9, 2016 at 11:35 pm

      BRAVO- this is so well put. I want to send it to my addict friend/old lover who continues to use despite terrible physical effects. But he would just ignore it just like he has ignored every attempt I have made to change his mind/tried to get him to see the light.

      Reply
  • May 21, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    My respons to the article is the really addicted person cannot love another for one reason or another or is blocked from being free to love because of the addiction. The addicted person doesn’t even decide not to love, all they are and have is the addiction. I know. The father of my children became a progressively addicted person and could commit to nothing and no one, including is own offspring. Now that is dysfunctional. The addict lives off others, they are usually empty narcissists, maybe attractive at first, but woefully lacking in everything else.

    Reply
  • May 28, 2014 at 10:26 am

    My MIL is an addict. She even admits she’s an addict. Her addiction is two-fold. One is to pain pills. She has chronic degenerative bone disease, and she won’t find any other type of pain management because of her pill addiction. The other is cigarettes. Let me tell you, the cigarettes are just as bad, if not worse. I’ve seen this woman walk through a parking lot collecting butts other people have disguarded when she didn’t have money for cigarettes. My husband talks about growing up poor in her house, when they would get money food always came second to cigarettes. He is not a smoker, but his brother is. My husband also has asthma, but that never stopped his mom and brother from smoking in the house right in front of him, because smoking comes first.

    If you’re a smoker and you don’t think you’re a drug addict, you’re wrong. It is very sad.

    Reply
    • June 30, 2015 at 12:34 am

      Are you serious? Ciggarettes?

      Reply
      • August 13, 2016 at 2:48 am

        Reply to painwalker….when tobacco is priority over food,,then yea,I’d say that’s an addiction…..but the focus of this article was why (said person) chooses drug/alcohol over love,,,,,beats the hell outta me,,all I know is I’ve dealt with it for too g%ddamn long,,,society has gone to hell,,

        Reply
  • May 29, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I like this. I have a son who is addicted to meth and has been for many years, this helps me understand him a little better. It is a heartbreaking thing.

    Reply
  • June 3, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    In response to a blog by David Sack, MD at psychcentral.com (Why Drug Addicts Will Always Choose Drugs Over Love), his thinking is inconsistent with respect to the assumption of freedom of will. Either the addict has the freedom of choice or not or If both are true then we must include time and circumstance as factors.
    In Dr. Sack’s second paragraph under “The Illusion of Choice” he writes, “In truth, the addict isn’t choosing anything”…in the next paragraph “…All of their decisions are based on their need for the drug…”. A decision implies the freedom to choose. Later he writes, “As much as ‘choosing’ drugs isn’t really a choice, it also isn’t personal” and “Addiction isn’t addiction if choice is involved” but then writes…”but they [the addict] can take responsibility for managing their illness…”. Freedom of choice must be involved if an addict is able to “take responsibility”.
    Whether or not an addict has a choice or not is a point of contention in the field and has been for a long time. It seems to me both could be true if we’re talking about different times and circumstances. The illusion may be that the addict does not seem to have a choice depending on nuances of the situation. For instance, there are certainly situations in which forces are greater than one’s will power. Forces such as the sight of drugs, conditioned emotional responses to voices, places, etc., being in the presence of particular people, and some feeling states perceived as unbearable to the addict and they believe they need a drug or they won’t be able to bear the feeling (e.g. loneliness). In others, one can choose to turn their backs on the liquor at the store and walk out…or not. Addiction is a condition so complex we may never be able to entirely understand all the factors that go into an addict’s decision to use at any singular moment.
    My belief is every time we wake up we’re faced with a decision of whether to use or not. There are many who are beyond human help and must ask for help from a Spiritual Being to turn away from drugs for one day, for one hour, for one ___. Sometimes a conversion is in order. In summary, in my view the notion of choice depends on the person in situation and the degree to which choice is beyond their control. In the earlier stages of addiction choice has a better chance of showing up; in the later stages, not so much or not at all.

    David Ekman, MS, LMHC

    Reply
    • May 14, 2015 at 2:55 am

      I can only guess that after years of drug use my boyfriend really did become “beyond choice”.
      I really thought he would change by age 50. He is high functioning and successful
      The way this person responded to normal love and kindness was very defensive. Seems like he has lost his way. I think the “choice” window just sort of slips away. I tried, prayed and supported
      This man in every way possible.
      Eventually he viewed me as his enemy. (I am not,).Because he is so intent on using, the only thing he could do was criticiZe me for imaginary faults I had. It was completely irrational. I do believe the brain function of so many addicts just changes over time. They actually select drug use over personal relationships.
      Sad but true. I difficult truth for me to swallow. I do not hate this man, I just feel I have lost him. I am not his drug if choice. .

      Reply
      • February 26, 2019 at 9:48 pm

        I have lost my boyfriend also to crack. We were together for seven years. I don’t know how he got so bad in a matter of months. He cant go more than 1 day without using. He now enjoys getting females to hangout with him to do sexual favors offering crack to them. It is absolutely disgusting what this man is doing. He is 51 years old and it kills me to hear what he does. He sees me for a day to dry out but kicks me out once the crack whores start messaging to hangout. His using is destroying me.

        Reply
    • August 26, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      Mr. Ekman I couldn’t disagree with your point of view at all. AT last I find a person who shared the same perspective that I have for a long time.Kindly allow me make an addition to the recipe of substances issues.I come to the realization that the notion of choice or freewill was premeditated & prefabricated to serve a purpose. This notion of freewill must be manufactured by those who are gaining profit & employment from the drug industry.Drugs & alcohol creates jobs ,employment & profit generated out of human misery &/or vulnerability.The industry deliberately indoctrinated us into a deceit in the make believe world of choices. This is the most efficient tool the industry uses to keep us all divided & preoccupied while our weaknesses are being manipulated to maximize the profit. Drugs, alcohol , homelessness are the bread & butter of the conglomerate of this industry.The freewill or the freedom to choose idea is the wedge invented to keep families, loved ones, the community pitted against each other a father against his own son, a son against his father & so on & so forth to keep the flow of supply & demand continues.
      while I am writing this I am in so much pain & I need to end this here & come back sometimes to explain the theory i have about these issues…..to be continued

      Reply
  • June 4, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Excellent article. Particularly useful the way you characterized the illusion of control and put into perspective the role loved ones may have in influencing the addict in their life to get help. The importance of self care and detachment from outcomes is another important dimension. Addiction is clearly a family disease, and the entire family system suffers. The good news is that the family can slowly heal, and it can start with just one family member, and that can be a loved one other than the addict. Alanon or Naranon can be particularly supportive of this process, as can be ‘rehab’. Rehab doesn’t have to be just for the ‘addict’. All those affected by addiction deserve help.

    Reply
  • July 16, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    I just have to say that this article did wonders for me. Im a struggling addict only days into my clean time. The hope that was restored after reading this is priceless to me. After so many years of being told that I couldnt possibly love someone because of my drug use, its good to know that I am capable of love.
    And also very helpful to interpret the difference between “choosing” the drug and “needing” the drug.
    Its draining to constantly be told that your choosing something, when you dont always feel as if you are.
    Ive found so much hope and information from this website and I want to express my gratitude not only to founders but to bloggers as well.
    Thank you so much
    Best wishes to everyone on their journey

    Reply
  • July 21, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Excellent article. this showed me some critical mistakes I am making as a parent of an educated adult child (20’s) who I have been handling incorrectly. thanks for insight!

    Reply
  • September 25, 2014 at 4:02 am

    Hi friends and family,
    I’m sure most of you know my background of heavy drug use and negligence! I’m so grateful today to be saved and delivered from that awful time of my life! I wanted to share a link with you highlighting the transformation that took place. Please watch it and tell me what you think?

    http://youtu.be/j9CHh1JU1u8

    Lives are being transformed like mine through our walk n run a thon this sat! Please sponsor me any donation helps!! Click link below

    https://secure.victoryoutreach.org/run4hope/Sponsor.asp?RID=2009

    Reply
  • October 28, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    There are a lot of cases where substance abusers tend to vent their stress and depression to drugs/ alcohol rather than love from family and friends. Well those abuse users always doubt if he’s family or friends would understand her/him. In order for them to forget for a while on their worries they used drugs, for them it is a bog help to ease the pain, sorrow and guilt they feel. That is why it is really important to address this growing number of substance abuser in the world. There are institutions like acadia rehab who are willing to help them and their families to rescue them from addiction.

    Reply
  • November 19, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    I am recovering heroin addict who has been clean for three years and I have to disagree with your premise here. I can tell all the loving people in addicts lives that it does hurt to hurt you, that it does hurt for you to see what we’ve become- so we stay away because to see the devastation we create only causes us to “need” to feel nothing even more. I struggle with survivor’s guilt still: why was my bottom higher than theirs? Why is she under a bridge and I have a beautiful life? Why are most people I knew dead? Why could just seeing that I was about to completely lose everything enough to make me go get help? You see all I had left-we were homeless, jobless, carless- was my 3 yo baby- and if I didn’t get it together I would never give her a home, never get her to school in a year- God in His grace gave her to me about a year and a half before I really got strung out (I was sober while pregnant). I hated myself and saw no hope for my life, but I faked it because she deserved better, I modeled for her the process of self care and love- and somewhere in it I bloomed too. We have a beautiful, peaceful life. I know there are parents out there that actually lose their children and it doesn’t appear to phase them- but I also know what an active addict sees in the mirror. In general, it’s not we don’t love you- we just hate ourselves more.
    I also know how painful it is to love an addict and want them to see what they could have. Trust me, we see it and maybe sometimes it drives us to bottom- but its not a decision that anyone can make for you. Most addicts want to give and receive love. You have to let go and let them ride it out- and pray a lot. But I can’t imagine anyone digging their way out without having some kind of love waiting on the other side. I can’t say I ever would have bothered trying if I did not love my precious child more than I hated myself.

    Reply
    • December 6, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      @Lovin, you are a beautiful person and I’m so grateful for your comment (above). It just seems so very true, everything you said. You’re daughter is blessed to have you. Don’t stop believing..

      Reply
    • January 9, 2015 at 7:56 am

      Lovin, thank you so much for your helpful words. Have you ever considered a blog or site of some sorts offering help and insight through the eyes of an addict? I have spent much time googling to find such to no avail. It would help us moms of addicts tremendously to hear first hand how the minds of using and recovering addicts may work, and maybe even help us help the addict we love. Best wishes to you, you so deserve a happy drug-dependent free life!

      Reply
  • December 28, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Lovin, your message really touched me. It makes me think how my son may have thought about his life “that it does hurt to hurt you, it does hurt for you to see what we’ve become. To see the devastation we create only causes us to need to feel nothing even more. It’s not that we don’t love you, we just hate ourselves even more.” I think my son felt this and that he cared for me and his dad. His dad thinks his son hated him because he wouldn’t take the advice he was offered. All dad can remember right now is the bad. This makes me feel bad. The day you posted was 1 day before my sons 24th birthday and 3 days before he overdosed. You are so lucky that you faked good for your daughter and got caught up in it. I am so happy for you and pray that you continue your path. You are a wonderful writer and may have more information to offer to help others and I hope you write more. The best to you always!
    @Okay, your response is spot on as well. Blessings to you both!

    Reply
    • July 14, 2015 at 10:40 pm

      I am so sorry to hear your son overdosed. I can’t imagine your pain. I’ve been the addict, and now at the receiving end of addiction, but cannot imagine losing your baby. Please know-your son KNEW the love was there, it’s easier for active addicts to say they KNOW you didn’t love them, etc. because then you’re reply will be to say, I do love you. We want any piece of being normal BUT we don’t want the judgment. In our actively using minds, we are still the “real” us-everyone else is just being mean, unfair, blocking access, drawing attention to drug use. We just want to find money, get high but still be loved/understood. It is selfishness from shame and physical/mental hijacking. He loved you. He knew deep down he was loved. I guarantee he was ashamed and felt like a failure and crucified himself way more than his family could, so he resisted more criticism. There is nothing you. Could have done or you would have. I’ve told my mom I was fine, all while holding a gram and a syringe behind my back. If I had fatally ODed, she couldn’t have done anything except tie me to a tree for days to stop me. Please don’t blame, don’t wonder the what ifs/if onlys. I’m sending my love. Please feel free to ask me anything-anyone who wants to ask my experience of 10 years addiction and now 10 months clean. I’d love to help. Much love to you

      Reply
      • June 23, 2018 at 5:35 am

        Will more compassion and understanding help my alcoholic boyfriend to see how much I do love him, I always focused on the drinking and would ridicule try and control it, but not until now has the penny dropped that once did I try to understand the “WHY!

        Reply
  • April 1, 2015 at 3:03 am

    This article helped me understand a Little more about an addict. I still need some advice though.
    I was also a user and started to see what it was doing to my kids, family, my relationship and myself and I was able to quit. I tried to have him quit with me but he didnt. In the end I had to take my kids out of our home and start over. There was no contact for a few months because I thought he was choosing the drugs over his family. I realized I couldn’t help him if he didn’t want to help himself. I tried to continue on with my life and put my main focus back on my kids. Slowly he started to come around and I let my guard down and let him back in our lives. I told him I would always be here when he was ready to quit. He stayed with us for a week and sobered up due to legal matters. After a week he became angry and said he was wanting to get high. I tried to encourage him to fight the urge and reminded him how good he did this last week. I also told him it wasn’t gonna be easy and he will have days like that and together we will get thru it. He didn’t want to hear it and then he took off and of course money was missing along with different items. I’m so frustrated and hurt and don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve done everything from listening, talking, encouraging, giving an ultimatum,yelling, cussing, crying, begging, offered to go to counseling with him, tried to be understanding and then when enough was enough my kids and I went our own way. He wants to be sober he says which I believe he does. I tried to get him out of the environment he was in away from the drugs and he always goes back. He lies all the time and there is no trust and I still love him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know he has a lot of hurt built up.He has lost an immediate family member every two years for the past 8 years and never actually dealt with it. As soon as he was finally accepting one death boom another. I know his addictions was his way of escape and now it has hold of him.
    I love him a lot and want our family back. I want him to get help and I feel he wants the same but it’s just easier for him to go do his drugs and be numb then for him to deal, accept and feel. I can’t keep putting myself and my kids through this. I don’t want to lose him to anything or anybody even tho I know I already lost the majority of him to the drugs. What can I do now? Please help.

    Reply
  • April 13, 2015 at 5:42 am

    “You don’t have control over the addict, but you do have influence.” So true. We can’t easily remove someone’s addiction especially when he/she really can’t control it by him/herself. We can help them to change by influencing them to do some exercise, hang out with other friends, do some outdoor activities, etc… Thanks for the insight!

    Reply
  • June 17, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    As I understand the article and the comments there is a distinction being made between choice or free will and “need.” And so if a person is not addicted the person has the prerogative to choose love over [heroin]. If a person has her/his child in one hand and heroin in the other hand and is given the choice between the the child and the heroin, if the person is not “addicted” then the person may choose one or the other. Of course, if the non-addicted person chooses the heroin then they love the heroin (or hate themselves?) more than they love their child. But if the person chooses their child then the power of the love for their child has prevailed over their love for the heroin (or the hate for her/his self). On the other hand if the person is “addicted” [whatever that means] then the person has not the free will to choose the child and will abandon his/her love for the child in order to take or love the drug – heroin. Questions to ponder: 1. How do we determine whether the person is “addicted” or whether they are simply a person who would rather love their drug – heroin- instead of their child? 2. If a person is addicted and supposedly “needs” the drug, if a person were to be incarcerated for a period of weeks or months and deprived of the “needed” drug but has no adverse physical reaction, is that person really “addicted” or have we identified a person who does not “need” the drug and hence is not addicted at all but truly loves the drug – heroin – (or hates oneself) more than he or she loves her/his child? Help me understand.

    Reply
    • September 4, 2015 at 11:39 pm

      I recently ended a 41 month with a woman that had been an addict for the past 20 + years. I was never able to truly determine when her addiction began (her drugs of choice were opiates / benzodiazepines). During her addiction, she lost two children and pretty much everything else. I hold to the opinion that addiction is a disease of choice. She loved to justify every kind of bad (sinful) behavior on her addiction but, even when she was sober she would still continue to choose the same bad behaviors even after being sober for lengthy periods of time. When she became sober, the poor decisions she had made in the past and even during the present days became an excuse, or a reason to relapse. Some people do change but, it’s seldom that they do. My ex-fiancée is currently incarcerated but, still continues to lie & cheat. It’s wise for the sober (non-addict) to avoid becoming involved with an addict, and if you are in such a relationship you should get out while you can. You are wasting your time, in most cases and will jeopardize your own sanity if you continue on in the relationship. Chances are, that your love won’t be stronger than your partner’s choice to remain an addict!

      Reply
  • July 2, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    I am a crackhead ive been to jail been homeless lost the love of my life an custody of my daughter. Yet i still dont think i have a problem. Red

    Reply
  • July 10, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Fabulous article. Good reminder for me not to take my heroin addict sons choices personal. It has broken my heart to see him choose drugs over his wife and two little boys. He is once again in recovery…. he is a preserver.

    Reply
  • July 11, 2015 at 10:52 am

    So my question is am I doing the right thing by keeping my daughter’s dad away from us. I’ve told him in order to see her he has to be completely sober even if it’s just that one day to be around our daughter. There’s times he has showed up and said he was sober (meth is his drug of choice) and he has lied cause he is coming off the drug and trying to fall asleep here. His schedule seems to be go go go for 4 days straight then crash for 3.

    Reply
    • July 16, 2015 at 6:58 am

      Nancy you will be an enabler really if you dont take a stand. I know its very very truly hard when you love this man alot. Trust that I know. He is only going to stop if and when he wants to stop. No.matter what you do really can change that fact. Be a supportive positive person and tell him that you believe in him and know he can beat this but that you dont want your daughter around it at all. Be the type of parent your little girl needs. She comes first no.matter what. No.matter what you want or feel you need your wants and needs are to be handled only after you raise her. He may come clean or he may not but she is more important than if he does or doesnt period. When he wants to sleep for days its because hes coming down from being awake for those many days. More than likely thats when hes broke and cant afford any more drugs. He may instead not so.much be going there to see your daughter even, his real plan may be to steal something he can trade for drugs. Next he could steal your money you have to get food for you and your daughter. If you have an ebt card change the pin and out an extra secret password on.it etc and dont let him know where its at at all because he wil even try to get tat to tell his connect he will give him that for drugs. Do you really want him in your home when you have to worry about what he may steal next? If you soneday want a decent future with him you have to stand your ground or hes not gonna change for a real.ling time from now if you dont act like you mean it and do mean it.He disrespected you by stealing ftom you and you are even the Mother of his kid so he had a bad bad addiction. If you dont take a stand he will continue doing this too. At least if you hold your ground you are giving him a reason to possibly want to tey and quit.This drug builds tolerance so u need more ans more to get the same high you did when you first started doing it is what Im saying. The longer you do it and the more frequent the more tolerance you build tat requires you to do a lil.more each time to get the same high that didnt dodnt so much at first now will take double or triple that amount just to get the same high so meaning its getting a bit more expensive for him over time like. This is meaning hell get more desperate for a financial means to pay his dealers andmany dealers will take things instead of just cash. This drug also turns alot of males into.porn addicts too. This drug 9 out of ten times the mwn that use it become extremely horny and more kinkier too. May guys using this drug will cheat if they havent already and many will get escorts hookers or broke females that use this drug too to give the females some of their stash for sexual favors and trust me many female addicts of this drug for ten dollars worth will give them oral sex or ant kind of sex the guy wants just for ten$ worth so if you do decide to have sex with him make him use a condom and for sure without a doubt if hes using needles make him use one. Also if hes using needles tgeres even moreof a chance hes already cheated a few times prob on.you already. Shoiting up this drug makes a man extremely extremely horny!!

      Reply
  • November 25, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    Very interesting article, according to me, if proper love, care and live example of suffers are given. Drug abuse can be cured from addicts.

    They just need great care and attention.

    Reply
  • December 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    A really interesting article…
    My sister has been on drugs at least half her life, she’s now 34. She’s married to a user and has 2kids. I’m also married, with kids and never went down that path. When I was single though I was the 1 getting beaten up by her constantly when she was coming down from these drugs. We come from divorced parents, and dad is a doctor, but the notion of love was always quite distant in our house.
    I have tried to be therefor her. She lashes out at me verbally all the time, intimidates mum and has neglected her kids regularly. Her husband does his own thing. I have no idea how to help someone who seems to hate me so much.
    I have tried to be there, offer to help with the kids but no idea what else to do.
    Half of my life was disregarded too by my parents as they have tried to help her and she’s already been through rehab 3times. I have two degrees which I got nailed out as I didn’t think my parents would care about anyways as it really does become being about consumed by the users problems.
    But I still want to help my sister as after all of this I do love her.

    Reply
  • February 19, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    My boyfriend is an addict to meth, everyday every hour he needs it. He has lied to me so many times n he tells me doesn’t lie, he spends more money on that, we have a kid together plus my son, times I don’t know what to do or say because I try to talk with him but he gets mad times we fight, he’s been doing this for bout 4 years that’s how long we’ve been together, but he told he’s been doing it for a long time,..everyday I try to support him, he gets mad if I don’t give him money to fix his need,am I stupid to be here in this relationship? I want happiness for my kids..is it time for me to move on..because I can’t take the name calling, the hurtfulness, I need some tips n help on What I should do

    Reply
  • August 20, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    I’ve been a drug addict and now I’m over it but I’m married to a man I was an addict with for 25 years . He’s refusing to stop and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been to rehab started at 17 years old before I even met him. I’ve been way harder into drugs than he’s ever known but now we’re here at 50 years old and I’m done with that part of my life and he won’t stop. He keeps trying but he can’t and I’ve lost my patients and I’ve lost hope that our marriage and our life will ever be good . So I’m planning on leaving and never coming back because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve fought and begged and cried and botched I’m out of energy to make him stop. It’s understandable that he hasn’t reached the breaking point that I have but I can’t make him get there. We got high together for 15 years and I grew up and I got tired of it he’s not. I’m out of options and I’m leaving….anythinh else I can do?

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *