Archives for Relationships - Page 2


When Your Teen is Being Bullied: 5 Things Parents Need to Know

No parent wants to find out that their child is being bullied. Yet this is a situation in which many parents find themselves, and it can be incredibly scary and confusing.

Teens are bullied over the same thing generation after generation: physical differences such as weight, acne and facial features, speech differences, mental abilities/disabilities.

Teens get bullied verbally, physically (tripping down the hall, book bumping), and through writing.

One significant difference that teens face now is the vast...
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Making the Most of Marriage/Relationship Counseling

People seek marriage or relationship therapy for many reasons.

For some people, it's because of a crisis, such as infidelity, job loss, illness or accidents.

Others come in because they feel distant and want to grow closer, or they seek counseling before they marry to sort out any difficulties and ensure that they're ready for life together.

Some couples simply know that something feels wrong but they don't know what, and they want to fix it.

But once you and your partner have decided to seek counseling, how do you make the most of it? Here are six things to consider.
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The Importance of Connection, Part 1: How to Get and Stay Connected

When I first became a bird owner, I noticed that my cockatiel Sunshine would only eat when someone was near her.

Most birds are flock animals; they rely on the members of their community for companionship, safety, and parenting.

In the wild, Sunshine would only eat with her flock members there to watch out for her.

Like many other animals, humans have an inborn need for community that is crucial to not only our survival but also to our mental health and happiness.

Not everyone needs 40 friends, but everyone needs someone they can rely on to help them through the harshness of life.


For some people, it's depression. One of the key signs of depression is withdrawing from social situations. People who become depressed turn down invitations, fail to show up to gatherings, and limit phone calls and visits with friends.
Other times, it can be a change in life -- a move, divorce, death in the family, or illness. Many adults I've spoken to have said that when they graduated from high school or college they found they had a hard time making new friends in the 'adult' or working world.
Many people are so afraid of rejection that they stay away from getting close to others.
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Bad Relationship Advice: Our Top 10 List

There is a lot of relationship advice out there; friends, family, and coworkers are willing and eager to share their thoughts.

Over the years, I've heard and read some awful pieces of advice.

Here are the worst of them.

10. If you love her enough, you can get her to change.

ANY advice that has 'change' in it is bad news. You can't make anyone change, and if you expect them to you'll be met not only with resistance and frustration, but failure.

9. No one will ever love you as much as he does.

This is a phrase that is often used to keep an individual in an abusive relationship. Love comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It might be true that no one will ever love you exactly like someone else,  you will be loved again. Don't allow this bad advice to keep you stuck in a harmful relationship.
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Career & Job

Excuse or Explanation: Is There a Difference?

"It wasn't my fault!"
"She made me do it!"
"Everyone else was doing it!"
"I'm sorry, "
"He started it!"

Do these sound familiar?

For some people, these phrases may bring back memories of their childhood, or they may have heard these statements from their kids.

Despite sounding childish, everyone has said something similar in their adult life to a spouse, police officer, family member, or friend.

In counseling sessions, I frequently hear how people struggle with the difference...
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Stress and Relationships

Stress happens to everyone. But why do some people appear to manage it better than others? How does the way that you and your partner deal with stressful situations affect your relationship?

As a therapist, I work with people who have very different reactions to difficult situations. How a couple manages stress can either break down or build up their relationship. The following are two real life examples of people who faced stressful situations and had very different reactions. Identifying details have been changed.

Example 1: Stan and Beth were stuck in the airport, trying to return home after celebrating their 2nd anniversary. They missed their connecting flight, and it was clear that they would not make it back home until the next morning. Beth was furious and blamed Stan for the missed connection. As Beth fumed under her breath, Stan argued loudly with the ticket agent, criticizing everything from the layout of the airport to the polices of the airline. The taxi ride to a hotel ended up in a screaming match. On the flight home the next morning, they barely spoke.

Example 2: Brian and Mark were driving to visit family for a week’s vacation. On a long stretch of highway surrounded by corn fields, the car began to overheat. Mark pulled over as smoke poured from under the hood. Mark was visibly upset, complaining about Brian's lack of attention to car maintenance. Brian resisted blaming Mark for driving too fast. Instead, Brian put his hand on Mark’s shoulder and reminded him that they would be fine and laid out a plan of action. After calling for a tow truck (and being told it would arrive in 2 1/2 hours), they sat on the edge of the road together. They made some humorous comments about their situation and the age of their car. When they arrived at their destination a day later, their road trip story was discussed as more of an adventure than a disaster.

Two couples in two similar stressful situations had very different responses. In the first example, missing a flight was an event that turned the couple against each other. There was blame and anger. In the second example, the couple pulled together and tackled the problem as a team. Blame and anger were quickly pushed aside.

When a couple faces a difficult situation, they have three choices to make. The first is how they approach the problem.

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Lessons in Love Part 1: Helping Children Learn to Love

One of the most important jobs of a parent is to teach a child what it means to love and to be loved.

When a child learns to love herself, she learns acceptance, pride, self-esteem, and inner strength. When a child learns to love others, he learns how to make connections with others, how it feels to be kind, and how to be vulnerable. When a child learns how to be loved, he learns that he is a person worth loving, that he is valued and wanted.
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Relationship Destroying Statements, and What to Say Instead

Words are powerful, and in a relationship they can be used to both bring people together or push them apart.

As a therapist, I've noticed that there are several statements couples commonly make to each other that destroy the foundation of their relationship. Sometimes the words are used deliberately to hurt the other person, and sometimes the destruction comes about through carelessness.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, it's important to be aware of the impact your words will have on your partner.

Here are the top relationship destroying statements that couples make to each other, and some ideas of what to say instead.
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7 Things You Can Do NOW to Make Yourself Happier

Have you ever felt as if happiness is something that you have to wait to come to you?

Do you ever wonder why other people are happy, and you're not?

The good news is that being happy is more of a choice than you might think.

Happiness doesn't have to be an elusive idea that only some fortunate people are able to obtain. Here are seven simple things you can do to increase your happiness.
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