Being nice is a great quality to have. The world could definitely use more kindness and generosity.
But there are times when you can have too much of a good thing. There is such a thing as being too nice. People who are too nice end up agreeing to do things they really don’t want to do. They sacrifice independence for a false sense of safety and belonging.
Here are three characteristics of people who take niceness to the extreme.
POINT TO TAKE AWAY: I have a right to live my life the way I want to, and to do the things I want to do. I am allowed to take care of myself and not be overwhelmed by tasks and responsibilities. My job is not to please everyone. I can be honest with people.
POINT TO TAKE AWAY: My thoughts, feelings, and desires are worthwhile. I have opinions that are good contributions. I don’t have to be the same as other people to be accepted and valued.
POINT TO TAKE AWAY: I am allowed to disagree with people, even people in authority. I am not responsible for their feelings, and my job is not to always say ‘yes’ to things if I don’t feel like it. Disagreement isn’t something to avoid or be afraid of.
Being nice is a wonderful characteristic to have. It’s a valuable to be kind, to help out other people, and to try and not hurt people unnecessarily. The problem comes when being nice becomes a burden, and ends up ruling your life.
It’s vital to find a balance between being a good human being, and being taken advantage of. A person can be kind and generous, and still say no.
People who struggle with being too nice are often afraid that people won’t like them if they don’t conform their personality, desires, and thoughts to those of other people. But the truth is everyone has something valuable to add to the world.
What is needed is not more conformity, but more honesty, more truth. Who and what you are is truly enough. By hiding under the guise of niceness, you take away the amazing gift of your authentic self.
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¿Eres demasiado amable? (October 11, 2012)
Last reviewed: 4 Jun 2012