So you know that old expression, “when you fall off, get right back on that horse”?  Well, that’s what I’ve been trying to do for the past two months since Frank f*cked me over by standing me up for his ex-wife at his National Guard unit’s homecoming.

But this “single-time-around” has been a lot harder for me to get back in the dating scene.

I’m not sure if I’m unmotivated or if I have shut down because I was burned so badly.  Maybe it’s a combination of both. 

I know that I don’t want to be alone.  It would be great to have male companionship – someone to go to dinner with, go for a run with, or just hang out at home with.  One of my co-workers joked with me that maybe I should stay away from men for a while.  I responded with, “That would be a good idea, except I’m not a lesbian.”

Not only do I crave male companionship, but I’m incredibly horny.  I remember learning in middle school health class that only boys have “wet dreams.”  Well, I beg to differ because my horny subconscious is providing me with some seriously hot sex dreams that include orgasms.

Everyone keeps telling me to get back into online dating.  I’ve done it before, but I have real reservations about it.  Paying to meet people – it’s like joining a college fraternity or sorority.  Then you have to wade through all those profiles, trying to decide who might be a good “match.”  And besides, it’s all based on looks.

I just saw a news story tonight that said dating websites are lying when they say they’re using “algorithms” to match paying customers with perspective mates.   That doesn’t make me feel good – everything based on a lie – that’s how my previous in-person-match relationship started and it didn’t end so well.  So why should I bother to pay for a lie when I can get one in person!?

Perhaps, as an acquaintance once said to me when I bemoaned the lack of quality men where I was living, “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”  I want something, but I’m not willing to work for it.

So I decided to try another strategy – getting out an about.  I volunteered at a major local sporting event, thinking that there may be some available men also volunteering there or even a couple of amateur athletes.  But no such luck.  Then last night I went on the town with a girlfriend.  A hot new bar in a popular neighborhood.  What could be better, right?  My girlfriend and I got our cute on and from what I saw of other women in the joint (with all due modesty), we were in the top 10 best of those ladies present.

Not a single guy approached.  I was giving open posture, looking around, laughing.  I thought I was putting out a good vibe.  Not a bite.  Oh well.  Maybe I was expecting too much.

I still have one invite left for the dinner date service I signed up for over a year ago.  I’ve found those to work well as a way to meet men.  I’ve gotten  three “hits” from the previous three dinners I went on.  None of them turned into anything, but at least it was something.

At times like this when I’m brooding over being single, I remember the “Sex and the City” episode when Charlotte is talking to the girls about her exhaustion with dating.  She says, “My hair hurts.  I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?”  My sentiments exactly, sister.

Am I not being proactive enough?  I’m not getting any younger here.  Wasting a year of my life on a lying son-of-a-bitch was the most infuriating thing that’s ever happened to me (and I’ve been fired from a job!).  I know, I know – some of you are probably thinking, “Oh, stop being so hard on yourself. Get over it.  Shut up.”

So, I’m turning myself over to the fates.  I’m also taking dating advice.  Any suggestions?

Heart on keyboard photo available from Shutterstock.

 


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    Last reviewed: 2 May 2012

APA Reference
Nickerson, K. (2012). That Horse Looks A Lot Bigger this Time Around. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/yfactor/2012/05/that-horse-looks-a-lot-bigger-this-time-around/

 

 

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