The subject of mentoring has been on my mind a lot lately.  It’s been one of those things that when you hear about it once it sticks in your mind and then you keep noticing it everywhere.

It began in early December when I started a new job and my boss gave me a New Yorker article about a surgeon who was skeptical about the idea of having a mentor (he thought he was at the top of his game) until he tried it, and then realized it helped him become a better surgeon.  He likened it to coaching.

For nearly 20 years of my life I’ve coached figure skaters, and 12 of those years were spent with one particular student.  I first met Heather when she was 9 years old – a tall, emotionally fragile girl from a divorced family.  Heather would cry every time she couldn’t land a jump.  I thought, like most skaters, she was frustrated with herself and mad that she couldn’t do it “right.”  Years later she revealed to me that she cried because she was worried that she was disappointing me because she wasn’t able to land her jumps correctly.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.  I was, and still am, proud of her.  (Now 21, she skates professionally with a big touring company.) 

I realized from day one of coaching Heather that our relationship was about more than skating.  We shared an emotional bond.  To me this is where a relationship transcends from “coaching” to “mentoring” – an emotional investment on part of both the mentor and the mentee.  I was not only Heather’s ‘skating coach’ (which she still introduces me as all these years later), but her older sister, role model, and sounding board.  My connection with Heather is so strong that when I interact with her on an adult-to-adult level, I can see how she absorbed so many of the things that I said and did during our formative years together.  It’s kind of freaky to see so much of myself reflected in her.  Heather’s mother often acknowledges and praises my role in helping to “raise” her.

I consider myself so fortunate to have played such a role in another person’s life.  However, I’m sad that I never had that sort of intense mentor relationship in my life.  Sure I had my share of skating coaches, but none that made an emotional investment in my life.

As a young professional I now realize that I was in desperate need of a mentor, and probably could have attached myself to any one of many opportunities.  Unfortunately at that time of my life I was so emotionally wounded that I never could have opened up to ask for help.  It took being fired from a job (mainly because of a bad attitude) to throw myself at a mentor who was a professional job coach.  This got me through the initial post-firing shock and on the right path. Unfortunately a longer lasting relationship with this job coach would have cost me a lot of money.

Of course I’ve had “emotional mentors” – therapists – who have guided me through rough spots to help me get my life on track, but it’s the professional mentor relationship that’s missing.  At this point of my life I’m nearly “mid-career” and finally (I’d like to think) hitting my “stride” — however — the New Yorker mentoring article really made me think about where I am professionally.

I have a great network of colleagues across the country whom I can reach out to with quick inquires or for small pieces of advice on an as-needed basis.  But still there’s not that on-going counseling relationship.  Someone to observe my interactions with students, someone to consult with about lesson plans.  I’m not even sure how it would work, but I’m committed to figuring it out.  I’m going to reach out to my peer network and see what they think.

Students in library photo available from Shutterstock.

Comments

This post currently has no comments. You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts on our new comments page.

Trackbacks

    Last reviewed: 4 Jan 2012