The saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” is applicable to those who struggle with hoarding, a type of anxiety disorder that some professionals believe is correlated with obsessive compulsive disorder.

People who hoard are not lazy slobs who refuse to clean up after themselves, despite what it might seem like to others. To people who hoard, every item in their house (or car, or office, or other space) has a purpose and is needed.

Hoarding is defined by three primary traits: the obsessive collection of objects that seem useless to almost everyone else, the inability to get rid of any of them and a resulting state of distress.

How do you know the difference between “pack rat” and “hoarder”? A pack rat collects things as well, but when they run out of room, they will throw out something they no longer need. A hoarder will make room, even if it’s in what anyone else would consider inappropriate space, such as in the bathtub or in bed.

I remember being somewhat perplexed the first time I met with a client who said they were in my office because of needing “anger management skills.” Of course, I’d heard of something like that, but realized specific skills for handling anger was not something that was covered in grad school.

Did my program have a gap in the curriculum? Was there some list somewhere of what exactly I should be teaching this client?

I consulted with my supervisor, who told me that “anger management” is just another term for “emotion regulation.” I realize that for people who are not therapists, “anger management” may actually seem like a clearer description, but from a clinician’s perspective, what my supervisor was telling me was that clients who present with “anger management issues” really need help in identifying their feelings (which may be anger, but also may be something else) and deciding what the appropriate way to respond to those feelings is.

The part about those feeling being “something other than anger” is also important. Humans feel a range of emotions, but in our society, not all of them are acceptable, especially in public. For example, it’s generally a cultural expectation that men will not cry in public. That doesn’t mean men don’t feel the urge to cry, nor that men never cry in public, but it’s not a common occurrence. As a result, many men channel that sadness into anger. A man yelling or displaying his physical strength in public is much more acceptable, even if it can be unpleasant.

Postpartum Support International has declared May to be National Maternal Depression Awareness Month. Has your partner or other loved one struggled with depression, either during pregnancy and/or right after giving birth?

Estimates are that 15-20% of women–that’s 1 in 8–have depression either while pregnant or postpartum. Despite such high numbers, many women do not get treatment because they may feel guilty that they are not happy during what society says should be a joyful time.

They may also not realize the symptoms they are experiencing are in fact depression, or may be waiting to see if they feel better after the baby is born, or once the baby has settled into a routine, etc. because what new mom (and dad!) isn’t tired, cranky, and overwhelmed when caring for a newborn?

The problem is, maternal depression is serious, and there is help out there that can make a tremendous difference quickly. Left untreated, your partner is at risk of developing severe depression or postpartum psychosis, which are mental health emergencies.

As a supportive partner, what do you need to know and what can you do to help?

The majority of clients who come into my office do not want to take psychiatric medication. I always leave the decision up to them, but as part of my assessment, I always explore with my clients where the resistance is.

Typically, the clients have picked up erroneous information, or had irresponsible doctors prescribing their meds before, resulting in a negative experience. I try to dispel some of the myths that come along with psychiatric medication, as many of them are either outright wrong or not true in all cases.

It is absolutely true that medication is not always necessary or appropriate to treat mental illness, and obtaining prescriptions from a doctor who is not adequately educated and/or does not actively listen and respond to your partner’s needs is dangerous. But if your partner won’t even consider medication at all, is it because of one of the following thoughts?

Nancy’s problems with spending began when her job stress increased. As she felt more anxious and depressed, she found herself turning to shopping as a way to make herself feel better.

At first, the “high” of a new purchase would help her forget her stress, but Nancy found herself spending more and shopping more often. As the bills piled up, she found herself hiding her purchases from her partner, and feeling guilty, too.

We all spend too much money from time to time, but there are some clear signs of compulsive spending:

• Being preoccupied with shopping or spending money
• Shopping when angry, sad, or anxious
• Buying things that are not needed or too expensive for the budget
• Experiencing a “high” after a purchase, but then having a mood crash afterwards
• Having relationship and/or legal problems because of the spending behaviors

Compulsive spending has the double-edged sword of both positive and negative reinforcement. Your partner experiences positive feelings from the purchase, and also relieves the negative feelings that led to the urge to spend in the first place. This can make breaking a spending habit really difficult…but not impossible.

Among the many reasons couples decide to seek therapy—including to learn better communication skills, to improve intimacy, and to heal old wounds—deciding whether or not the relationship is going to survive is the motive for about half.

A recent study from the University of Louisville that studied 249 couples in counseling found that when couples had the goal to improve the relationship, the ultimate outcome was better than those who came to therapy to determine whether or not the relationship could be saved.

Specifically, couples who sought therapy in order to improve their relationship were almost 80% more likely to be together six months later. More than half of those who wanted help deciding about whether or not to split up had indeed broken up six months later.

It is important to know what you want when going into couples therapy.

My client Cathy has a love/hate relationship with her partner, Julia. When Cathy is in a good mood, the world is perfect, their relationship is wonderful, and everything is “kittens and rainbows.” When Cathy gets upset about something—whether it’s related to Julia, work, or something else—everything becomes “doom and gloom and the worst ever!”

Cathy adores her partner, and values their relationship. However, she is very much controlled by her emotions, and allows them to dictate her behavior. She also gets caught up in “all or nothing” thoughts, and needs help with learning how to separate what is real from what her emotions are telling her is the truth. As you will see, those are not always one and the same.

I recently read the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.  She highlights how those who are naturally quieter than the extraverts are often overlooked and not valued, despite the tremendous contributions these people have made in the past (think Dale Carnegie, Al Gore, and Gandhi), and can make in the future.

In her work, Cain draws from the research of Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person. It makes sense that someone who is introverted might also be highly sensitive. High sensitivity can also be a part of many mental illnesses, including depression, bipolar disorder, the anxiety disorders, and borderline personality disorder, just to name a few.

Do you have a highly sensitive partner? The following information may be insightful for you in better understanding their experience of everyday life.

Whoa, a professional therapist is giving tips on how to stay out of her office?!? Yes, yes, I am.

Having said that, I always recommend that if you and/or your partner are having serious struggles with mental health, you consult a professional.

The tips that follow may not be enough to resolve your and your partner’s concerns, but they are a good place to start. They can also be used to supplement what you and your partner are working on in couples counseling as well.

One of the most difficult feelings to acknowledge is not liking your loved one who has an emotional disorder. Being angry, frustrated, or disliking a close relative is difficult enough. But when the family member has a mental illness, you may judge yourself harshly for having negative feelings toward that person.

But the situation is normal and you are not alone. Family members don’t always like each other. It’s normal to feel angry toward siblings and parents at times. And someone having an emotional disorder doesn’t change that fact. But there are some special considerations when the family member has an emotional disorder.

Not liking a family member who struggles with their emotional health is a very difficult situation with many possible causes. How to manage these feelings is an important, complex question with many different possible options.