Awareness that eating disorders do not just affect teenaged, white females is growing. Your partner–male or female–may have struggled with an eating disorder as a young person, which puts them at risk for re-developing symptoms when faced with challenges as an adult. Or your partner may develop an eating disorder for the first time as an adult in an attempt to cope with something overwhelming, such as a traumatic event or a loss, whether that be of a person, job, ability, or something else that was significant for them.

A new study from researchers at the University of Minnesota has shown that eating disorders can be triggered by lack of support following traumatic events such as bereavement, relationship problems, abuse and sexual assault.

They identified six major events that commonly are associated with the development of eating disordered behaviors: school transition, relationship changes, death of a loved one, home or job transition, illness/hospitalization, and abuse/sexual assault/incest.

What might this look like for your partner?

It’s no secret that health insurance is expensive, and paying for mental health services can be outrageous as well. When you and your partner have a large pile of bills to pay, it can make a difficult decision to forgo mental health appointments and psychiatric medications appear–on the surface–to be easier.

No money = No care, no meds. Period. End of story. Right?

Unfortunately, you and your partner may have already discovered what happens when mental health treatment is stopped abruptly. Or if you are considering this possibility, you may be in for an unpleasant surprise.

The ramifications of not getting appropriate treatment go much further than just a depressed mood or anxious thoughts and feelings. It could result in an untimely death.

As we wrap up National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2012, one of the most frequent questions those of us who treat people with eating disorders get asked from partners, families, and friends is, “How can I help? I don’t know what to say or do, but I want to support my loved one!”

Here are ten ways you can help.

When your partner, friend, sister, or other person in your life asks the question, it might seem as if the only appropriate answer is “No.” It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t moment because it’s also likely that if someone is asking you that question, she isn’t going to believe your answer anyway.

What you need to know is that the person asking the question isn’t actually looking for a yes or no. She may think she is, but there’s more behind the question, and it’s your job to help her figure out what she really needs: Validation? Reassurance? Love?

Here are five ways to approach answering the question:

February 26th through March 3rd is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and the posts on Partners in Wellness this week will address how eating disorders may be impacting your partner and your relationship.

The theme for this year’s NEDA Week is “Everybody Knows Somebody.” As the incidence of eating disorders increases, it is likely that everybody knows somebody who has (or has recovered from) an eating disorder, whether that is anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or an eating disorder that doesn’t meet the full criteria for a specific diagnosis (called Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified, or EDNOS).

If your partner has an eating disorder–diagnosed or not–your role as their partner is essential for recovery, but it is also an extremely challenging one. No one can recover from an eating disorder alone, nor should they try to. It takes a team, which includes mental health professionals who specialize in eating disorders, and supportive, educated family and friends.

One of my three cats, CJ, has a unique purr. Her purr can be heard across the house, or over the phone by unsuspecting callers, and her sound has been compared to a pigeon or turtle dove. It’s nearly impossible not to smile when she is purring (unless it is 3 a.m., because if she wakes up, she purrs then as well!) My other two kitties like to snuggle–often at inconvenient times, such as when I am trying to type a blog post!–but there is no doubt they love me. They tend to stick especially close when they sense I am unhappy or not feeling well.

One of my colleagues at Duke, Jennifer Strauss, was featured recently about volunteer work she, her husband, and their dog, Murphy, do at a camp for children who have lost a parent, sibling or other significant person in their lives within the past two years. In the article, Jennifer discusses the connections the children make with Murphy, and how his presence seems to allow them to express feelings that may not be so easy to share with adults.

The physical and mental health benefits of having pets are numerous. If you and your partner already have pets, are you getting the most benefit? If you don’t have pets, is it time to consider getting one?

Bringing up the topic of a partner’s mental illness with family and friends can feel tricky. In some cases, it might be obvious that there is something wrong, but many mental illnesses can’t be detected from the outside. However, that doesn’t mean you and your partner don’t need and deserve support from understanding family and friends.

Asking for that support can feel uncomfortable, though, given the stigma that still exists around mental illness, and cultural perceptions that we should keep personal problems to ourselves.

Every so often, I like to share with my readers resources that I have found elsewhere on the Internet. Today I’d like to introduce you to “Patient Voices,” a New York Times online resource that highlights multiple patient stories for myriad illnesses, including ADHD, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, OCD, PTSD, and schizophrenia. If your partner has one of these illnesses, or perhaps another type of physical illness, these interactive clips may give you new insight into your partner’s experience.

Let me know which ones you watched and what you thought. Also, what are some of your favorite resources for learning about mental illness? Post them in the comments below!

Jim’s drinking was clearly out of control…he had been up for over 24 hours, and the beer bottles lying around numbered over thirty. Yet he refuses to see a counselor, saying that he “doesn’t have a problem and doesn’t need help!”

Jane’s mother, Sally, age 76, can barely make her way through her own house because of the clutter and items she has accumulated. Jane is concerned for her mother’s safety, but Sally will not allow Jane to clean the house or throw anything away. The more Jane insists, the stronger Sally’s resistance. It’s gotten to the point where Sally has told Jane she is not welcome to visit anymore, and Jane cannot figure out how to help.

Josh has not been feeling like himself for a long time now: he lost his job six months ago and his girlfriend of two years broke up with him a few weeks ago. He’s finding himself sleeping through the day and staying up all night, gaming online and looking at porn. He knows he should be job hunting, but really, he doesn’t care anymore. He’s lost 20 pounds, and when he does see his friends, they are shocked at the changes. But when they ask questions, Josh blows them off and says, “I’m fine.”

All three of these people are great candidates for therapy, but none of them will go. Why?

The American Psychological Association released its annual Stress in America report earlier this month, and the findings were clear: those caring for people who are aging and/or chronically ill (including those having a mental illness) are under more stress than the average American. According to estimates from the National Alliance for Caregiving, 65.7 million Americans served as caregivers for an ill or disabled relative in the past year.

Not only that, caregivers reported that they are less successful in making changes that could improve their quality of life, such as eating well, exercising, managing stress, and getting enough sleep. If you read this blog regularly, you know that I often reinforce the importance of these strategies, but the results show this is still difficult to put into practice.